TBD on Ning

   I knew a man who died recently. He came to my house every day at 3:15 for a cup of coffee. He used the same cup each time, put it in the same spot to be ready for his next visit,

stayed until exactly 4:oclock each time, and during the interim said very little. He was schizophrenic  and I was part of his routine. This routine lasted for nearly two years. And then one day he suddenly died. And now I have his cup. For some reason, I can't seem to throw it away, or use it.  It's still sitting in his spot and it makes me wonder; Is this normal?  

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You honor "your routine", Michael...yours AND his, you were a part of his life for almost two years...in whatever way it pleased you, or served a purpose. A singular object holds what remains of your bond with him.  I believe it speaks highly of whatever interest you had in sharing those times together for two years...I think I might just pull out that cup every now and again when I wanted to share a coffee with an old friend.  A friend I obviously missed now that he has passed.

Simple as that.  I'm sorry for your loss...

Normal or not, I would do the same thing Michael. What a great thing friendship is. He gave you what he could and you responded in kind. I'm so sorry you lost such a friend.

It's very normal Michael.

I still have albums that were my Father's. I don't have a turntable, but every now and then I pull them out and take at look at them.

After someone is gone objects that belonged to them are a tangible reminder of that person and, of the love we shared with them.


I'm sorry for your loss.

Quinn, the thing is, I just don't understand how he could be drinking my coffee one day and dead the next. I've lost a lot of people suddenly. Never effected me before. I don't really want to be connected to anything but somehow this goof of a man became part of my life. Let me explain how it came to be. He lived  in the same apartment building as me. I had only seen him in passing and said hello like anyone else. One day he just appeared at my door and said "Hello", and then just stood there. I said hi back and waited. He said nothing. I asked if he would like to come it for a cup of coffee and he said yes. And that's how it all began. Eventually, I altered my own schedule because I realized how important it was to him that I be there at that specific time. It was important to his mental health that his "friend" be there for him. We discussed nothing. It was a pain in the ass sometimes that I make it back in time. And now the sonofabitch isn't here anymore and there seems to be a hole. Quinn, I've probably said this all wrong but the whole thing pisses me off!

It's normal for a caring, compassionate human being as yourself. to honor the time ya'll spent together. Somewhere, some how he knows it and is pleased.

Sorry for your loss....

It's completely normal in my mind Michael. We need ties to people we have lost. My father in law passed away, and was cremated, just over 18 years ago. His ashes are in a nice bronze box and sitting on the mantle over our fire place. Weird to some? Probably. Weird to me? Not at all. I haven't thought to do it in years, but on occasion I would walk past that box and rub my hand over the top because when he was alive, I used to rub the top of his balding head. Keep that cup as long as you feel the need to. I think I'm going to go and rub dad's head.

I have several things I'm hanging on to, little mementos connected to people who have passed in and out of my life.  I find some comfort in possessing these items.

Recently, my mother has given a pile of old photo albums, various loose pictures and documents, scrapbooks, and even a travel journal.  Had I not taken this stuff, it would have been consigned to the trash can.

I've started scanning this material, putting it together into online albums, and sending the link to the albums on to my family members.  My youngest brother, and a couple of the nephews have expressed their gratitude, and a couple of other family members seem to be interested enough to establish their own accounts at the online site I'm using.

All of these family items are priceless to me....I feel a connection to my late father, and our forebears, when I look through these old musty, family materials.

Sorry to say, twenty or thirty or forty years ago, I didn't have such a desire to keep mementos around the house.  Several times, I purged stuff that I wish I had kept.

In a similar vein, I remain an active TBD member.  I'm comfortable.......it feels good to be here.  Its a current, active,  and ongoing memento. 

He came.

He left.

You're still here, holding the empty cup.

That's what happens.

Good one slim. And it fits into my personality. Fuk the cup. I should smash it to bits and plant it in the garden.

What'ya think?

Fuk the cup?

Well, I don't think you want to do that.  A little kiss, maybe.




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