Our federal government has announced the formation of a needed and long overdue cabinet agency: the Department of Lost and Found. (DLF.org,). There has been an epidemic of epic proportions that has become a matter of national security. The United States Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, has cited the thousands of reports of lost socks,keys, social security cards,and even underwear. Indeed, America has become the land of the lost. President Obama has called our nation an "Island of Lost Souls. "
Even NASA has confirmed that many of our orbiting satellites and rockets launched in the early 1960s are now lost in space. The Russians also have missing cosmonauts but some of the Soviet reports have been lost in the translation. Even chefs like Emeril Lagasse and Wolfgang Puck have claimed their shrimp and lobster etouffees have been lost in the sauce. It is time for our government to put a stop to this crisis before we are all lost in a lost world.
Beginning in January of 2013, our new Department of Lost and Found will make certain that no American citizen is ever lost in the crowd. The new director of the DLF is none other than former Secretary of State Madeline Albright who has lost her marbles. She will be assisted by the renowned Professor Irwin Corey, the World's Foremost Authority, who has lost his mind.