TBD on Ning

In 1983, sociologist Pepper Schwartz in her book "American Couples," asserted that lesbian couples in a committed relationship have less sex than any other kind of couple, and that frequency diminishes as time goes on. That assertion, which Pepper named (morbidly...eeeck!) "Lesbian Bed Death," has subsequently been categorized as popular myth--and yet it has become an issue of concern among some lesbians.

Opening this discussion to all of us, what have you noticed about your own sex life? Is it better or worse, more passionate or less, more urgent or take-it-or leave it, as life goes on?

Do you think it's biological, time management, circumstance, all of the above?

HECK.....let's just talk about SEX!!!!!


Tags: Sex, bed death

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Replies to This Discussion

Hahahaha! I love you, Kooner!  Should we draw straws??

I just searched, "drawing straws" on Google...It is cool, isn't it?

So do I. Hehehehehe.

Let's trick someone else into doing it....

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!! I understand about privacy adding to the spice!!

I agree. Sex, which was always incredible, has taken on a whole new intensity for me. A richness, a depth, that wasn't there before. 

My fiance and I have had time, through adversity, to have a real romance. When I was younger, I saw sex as the fabulous, passionate portal to my partner's soul. It was. But jumping directly into bed cut out the courting. Now our passion boils from the soul outward.

We can exercise restraint...not really a hallmark of the young. There are times when he is inside me, looking into my eyes, so full of love that, by allowing the eros to fill us, we will reach climax without even moving. That did not happen in the wonderful frenzy of sex.       

You hit something when you said that you know how precious your "loving and trusting" relationship is. My fiance is the love of my life...and those are not words I would toss off...and for that reason I know he is my last love. Perhaps, however, it's also experience, and the certain knowledge of mortality, that allow us to see that there is no such thing as a greener pasture.

Let me just say that, even though we are both in our 50s, when my fiance casually kisses me on the quadrangle of his college, people young and old stop to watch, without even being aware of it. It's not because they're thinking, "Oh, look at the sweet old people kissing!"  It's because they see passion like a river running deep and strong. As one student said, "You two are SO sexy, in a good way! You give me hope..." 

Yeah, but 18-year-old kids think it's ANCIENT!!!! HAhahahahaha.

And I'm 59, so I'm just squeakin' by!

Just an aside...culled from a book I'm reading...


Ethel Perel, professor in  the Dept of Psychiatry at NYU, has a provocative outsider's insight on American sex lives. Born and raised in Belgium, she believes that some of America's most treasured values--equality, collaboration, and communication--just don't work that well in the bedroom. "Sexual desires just doesn't play by the same rules of good citizenship that maintain peace and contentment  between partners, " Perel says. "Sexual excitement is politically incorrect."



Since I am not in a relationship, I have no sex life, and I think I've forgotten what a sex life entails. I just have steadfast and reliable fingers.  hahhahahahhah  My genetic make up predisposes me to be sensual and libidinous since both my parents are horny. LOL

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...I believe sex is fluid, using Loren Q's wonderful descriptor, so that issues of dominance change, levels of aggression and passivity flux, needs are of the moment. While I think I know where Ethel's coming from, and agree that fully engaged, over-the-top sex can't be self-conscious or a fight for one's "rights," I also believe that the only way one can achieve truly sublime sex is through total, if subconscious, collaboration and communication.

My partners and I, male or female, ARE equals...we don't have to force the issue or demand what we already have. It's like something my mother once said, "Once you know which fork to use, you no longer need to use it."

Yeah...I think the aspect of the concept that was relegated to being called a "popular myth" was that "bed death" happens more to lesbians than with anyone else. I think a large part of the general population would say that frequency tends to decrease with age.

Hahahahaha...I've got a trailer.

It is so cool how every family is unique. What works for you is what works for you...that's it.


I know they say that many women experience a loss of interest with menopause, but it seems the older I get, the more passionate I am.  The downside is that I've been single for a very long time so my skin to skin contacts are few and far between.  I have outlets, thank goodness, to keep my libido high and self-pleasure is something I've become quite expert at.  So, in my case I would say it's circumstance but then you know the saying.....when you're not getting it, you want it all the time!  LOL!
My comment below is for you too, Marty. I'm sure you've turned over every stone in an attempt to infuse passion into your relationship. Love is all, and yet, there's no reason that one shouldn't want that love to encompass the physical as well as the spiritual.
Healthy fantasies, rise in libidinal urges and playful self love will keep any woman wet in the post menopausal phase. Yes, men do have a downturn sexually but introducing them to your fantasies can re-kindle the urges in him too. I'm not one who wants to have a sexual encounter for hours, I just want to please and by pleasing, I have multiple orgasms, I mean multiple.

HOORAY!  Multiple orgasms! We LOVES 'em!!!! :>) 

There are some men whose libido stays intact far into their later years...I guess there are always exceptions to any generality.

My Beloved, for instance, could make quite a supplemental living if he were put out for stud. lol.

DUH!!! I was so happy to see you, Rishi, I forgot to say WELCOME!!!!!!  KISSES (and multiple orgasms...although that's probably not appropriate...HAHAHAHAHAH)




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