Ever have a lover, long-term or a "trick," who was teetering on the edge?
The story can be funny, scary, or just plain odd--C'mon, I know you've had at least one...
I was involved for about 7 years with a female colonel in the Army. She was only 4’11 ½” tall but had the heart of a lion. Her speaking voice was soft with a heavy southern accent, but her “command” voice could blow an eagle out of its aerie. She was fierce, and yet soft and yielding with me.
She’d been in combat in every “police action” we’ve had for the last 20 years (she was in the transportation corps)…Desert Storm and the like…and she was much decorated. Definitely a hero.
Somehow, however, her heroism took a funny twist when she was trying to get out of something in everyday life. Whenever she didn’t want to explain why she wasn’t where she was expected to be, she would whip out an excuse like, “I had to pull a soldier out of a burning truck,” or “there was a terrorist threat at the base, “ or “my therapist got in a fatal car crash.”
What made it crazy/funny was that her therapist would show up for the next session…
My mom and I began to anticipate these totally outlandish excuses with much mirth. “Colonel X” would call 2 hours late for a dinner party and my mom would chuckle and ask, “Another head-on collision??”
Ha…she was a hoot, albeit a bit short of a full deck.
I was dating someone who I suspected as being bisexual, but this was mostly from the innuendos I heard from her brother.
She shared an apartment with her girlfriend, who was a female version of "Big Bad Leroy Brown". Waiting in the kitchen one night ( wasting time while I thought she was getting dressed ) I heard and went to investigate giggling from the bedroom. Of course she and her roomate were making out and as some good natured fun I allowed Leroy Brown to practice some of her wrestling leg holds on me. Actually since she was bigger than me it was more like a submission.
Anyway, later at the bar we were at, my girlfriend got arrested for beating up some girl. So I never did have sex that night. Go figure.
Hahahahaha, Funes! Did Leroy get you in a figure four or a camel clutch?
And speaking of camel...too bad the night didn't work out as you'd hope.
Yes, it does make sense, Dodger. I've met people who seemed rock steady but coped badly when things didn't go well in general. Likewise, some people go through difficult times and yet, seem to maintain a balanced or positive outlook. It's all in how we cope I think. Life happens to all of us but it's how we cope with it that makes the difference.
(I'm with ya on being over the "dangerous" relationships)
I dated an alchoholic when I was in my early twenties.
I didn't realized it initially...we were all partying pretty regularly at that time.
We broke up when he got verbally abusive one night when I wouldn't let him drive...
So good to learn such a difficult lesson so young, Quinn. It doesn't make the confusion, or hurt, or loss any easier, of course. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I, unfortunately, learned it after 18 years with a man I loved deeply. Very complicated story short, his parents had been alcoholics. He had resisted addiction for the first 16 years of our relationship...after a series of tragedies and my enforced absence, he began to drink. Because I was gone all week, it took a year before I found out. I ran to Alanon, etc., trying to ride the wave.
He left on a phone call one Tuesday. I never saw him again.
Hahahahahahah! "The biggest MFing narcissist this side of my natural mother."
Your mom and mine would have to vie for a place in line....
Truly sorry for the mondo-disappointment, though, Kooner.
I totally understand, Kooner.
My mother's narcissism was subtle and pervasive...It took me 40 years to recognize it. She never did. That's why it was so very powerful.
I got sucked into taking care of her in my late 30s, thinking it was my "duty," and, yes, I believe now, because I wanted her love which had seemed so palpable on the surface but so elusive where it really counted. I took care of her for 17 years--until her death at 90--and lost a great deal in the process.
I've been asked many times to write a book about those years. I continue to decline. When asked why, I say something like, "I don't want to write a book about caregiving, the moral of which is 'RUN LIKE HELL!'"
Wish I had figured it out earlier as well.
Yup, about the book...I hadn't thought of it that way.
I'd thought of it from the perspective that care giving is generally a good thing. I didn't want to chance discouraging even one person who had the impulse to do so in a world where it is so necessary and so hard to come by.
Thanks for the insight and food for thought.