TBD on Ning

DEAR ABBY: "Rita" and I have been together three years and are getting ready to make the final commitment of marriage. My problem is that she's a slob. Rita isn't a "hoarder," but she does things like take the plastic off a package and drop it on the floor. (Don't get me started on the mess she leaves in the bathroom.)

I love her and would be willing to have separate bathrooms if that's what it takes. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a house that looks the way hers does right now. The thought of raising kids in that kind of atmosphere chills me.

I'm no neat freak, but at least I put my trash in the wastebasket. Rita gets offended if I raise the issue. I have offered to help her clean her house, but I don't want to nag because her mother already does, and it makes Rita respond like a defiant child.

Have you any ideas about what I can do to keep our relationship -- and hopefully our future -- intact? -- WHATEVER RITA WANTS

i read this the other day and thought  "wtf are you thinking? this person is not going to change just because you get married. fine if you want to spend 40 years cleaning up after a pig but rest assured she will get worse with you cleaning up after her rather than get better because you nag her and that causes fights. (and that makes her feel even MORE justified in being a pig so you get more mess to clean up) so run, bambi...flee like the wind...and don't look back

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Read that the other day . Nitpicking now won't work later down the road . Getting into marriage is easy getting out is a whole different thing ... Drop her . Two slobs might work . Divided will not ...

yeah thats a tough one .. a lot of people don't think about that ahead of time .. till they're livin it day after day .. i know i'm not the neatest person in the world nor do i have any inclination to be so.. and i'm sure i'd drive one of them neatnick types plum crazy . and it wouldn't be on purpose or anything .. its just how i am .. i wouldn't leave food out or dirty clothes .. i know where the trash can is and where the hamper is but i always have some kinda project i'm workin on so there are guitar parts strewn all over my house .. and eventually i'll put em all where they go but by the time i do , i'll have more guitar parts ..and sometimes i'll have 5 or more projects i'm workin on at once , so i'd have to have someone who don't blow a gasket bein around that .. i can't help it .. its like a disease or somethin with me ..   

I ain't no neat freak . I try to keep my computer desk clean .I wash my clothes all at one time . Never sort anything and they all are piled up on my Kitchen table . Just grab what i need and go . Works for me ......

big difference between having guitar parts for a project and this....

"My problem is that she's a slob. Rita isn't a "hoarder," but she does things like take the plastic off a package and drop it on the floor. (Don't get me started on the mess she leaves in the bathroom.)"

If it makes him crazy now and they don't live together, it's only going to get worse.  He's already aware it's a problem and she doesn't want to change, so ... move on, or live in different residences!

And if she can't clean up after herself.....what happens when there are kids to clean up after?  And how are you going to teach those kids to pick up after themselves? 

No...run, don't walk.......as far and as fast as you can, Mr. 

to just drop your trash on the floor? think about it...someone has to pick it up...and mother doesn't live here anymore..for housecleaning, you won't need a broom. you'll need a shovel....

What the hell is he thinking, get out fast unless he can afford a full time housekeeper. I would have a problem with her attitude thinking that it's ok to drop something on the floor for someone else to pick up. This is not going to work.


The fact that he has written to Dear Abby indicates this guy has got a major red flag  blocking the flow of their relationship. Too bad, he isnt "older" like all of us who could probably overlook this and remain in their own respective homes without getting married but this doesnt appear to be the case.  Its kinda sad though...they may be really goood together and if they break up now, it may seem trivial years down the road when he thinks, I let her go because she's a SLOB?! On the other hand, as I said, if he wrote to Dear Abby, it must obviously bother him.




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