Closure

[crestofwaves]

I told you about my online frenemy of many years who was very ill.  I haven't heard from him in a month.  I just called his house( not something I did before except one time a few years ) and there was no answer and the greeting was generic.  He was so ill that his last Emails contained many doubled letters and missing letters and he said he wanted his life back.

How does one get closure in a sitaution like this?  He said I was on the list of people to be notified when he passed.  I am almost ill from not knowing.  There is no one I can call; I look up the obituaries and don't see his name.  I don't Think I will ever know for sure.

[frenchy]

online relationships can be as real or even more deep than your real life one's .. this online life is all so brand new .. they're still workin out all the proper ettiquite for this situation or that situation .. i think in the back of our minds we thing we'll always be there so no need to make all these arrangements in case we're not .. i suppose at some point we should give all that personal stuff to the ones we care the most about for them just in case times .. and when is the right time to share that kinda stuff ?? after two months ?? 2 years ?? some people you just know .. even tho it may not ever be spoken you know .. its just that someone has to be first to ask .. how do i reach you if i really need to .. how can i leave word for you if somethin happens to me ?? everything is on our computers these days.. maybe its time we all got a little black book of numbers and names with a list in the front of who to call just in case .. often times if you're all in the same groups like this one then all that needs to be told is one person.. and they'll get the word out .. like i said this is all new .. just like television when it first came out .. so we are in a sense pioneers here .. cause we're the first generation to use this type of media and we'll be the first generation to go .. its somethin to think about ..  

[Wayne Goodwin]

Online Life is what replaced the Party Line Telephone in the old days .....

[crestofwaves]

You've all given me a place to work this out. There is no other place that I can. As Karin said about her friend, another place, another time, who knows what would have happened with us. However, we both conducted ourselves with integrity, so I have no regrets of behavior.

 Thanks!

[T2Friends]

History is filled with stories of great love affairs of the heart played out in the pages of letters.  The prose may not be as pretty, by the electronic communication of today can result is the same kinds of connections.  I had a wonderful relationship with a guy for going on 10 years and most of our communication had been through e-mail exchanges.  The connections are real and no less important than any other type of relationship.  I often thought about talking with him about this issue, contact in the event of death or an emergency.  I always figured I would tell my sisters to send him an e-mail....turns out I didn't need to have the conversation.  But I do feel for ya Crest and understand the feelings.

[ProblemAgain]

a famous one even tho they had a relationship in real life was abelard and heloise.....here's a site where their letters are or at least some of them

http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/aah/index.htm

Some have it that romantic love was an invention of the Middle Ages. If so, then the true story of Pierre Abelard and Heloise is one of the templates of this narrative. Both Abelard and Heloise were prominent intellectuals of twelfth century France. Abelard, of noble birth and eighteen years the senior of Heloise, was a prominent lecturer in philosophy. Abelard was an adventurous thinker, and was constantly at odds with the Church. On several occasions he was forced to recant and burn his writings.

Heloise was a strong-willed and gifted woman who was fluent in Latin, Greek and Hebrew, and came from a lower social standing than Abelard. At age 19, and living under her uncle Fulbert's roof, Heloise fell in love with Abelard, who she was studying under. Not only did they have a clandestine affair of a sexual nature, they had a child, Astrolabe, out of wedlock. Discovered by the Fulbert (who was a Church official), Abelard was assaulted by a hired thug and castrated, and Heloise entered a convent. Abelard was exiled to Brittany, where he lived as monk. Eventually Heloise became abbess of the Oratory of the Paraclete, an abbey which Abelard had founded.

It was at this time that they exchanged their famous letters, presented in this book. The letters, originally written in Latin, are passionate both in the remembrance of lost love, and the attempt to reconcile that love with their respective monastic duty to remain chaste. The tension between these two poles generates a huge amount of emotional electricity.

This is the first web posting of the letters of Abelard and Heloise. This includes a long poem by Alexander Pope about the lovers, notable for the phrase 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,' (p. 104, in reference to Heloise) which was recently used for a movie title.

http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/aah/index.htm

[blithe spirit]

Wayne we used to have a party line...doesn't resemble online life in the least..in my opinion.
These relationships we have or have had are much richer and more multilayered.
It's hard for me to even try to share what some of these friends mean to me...there so much more overlap among all the parts of my compartmentalized life with them.

[Wayne Goodwin]

I believe the right word for Party Line was Gossip Line .

[ProblemAgain]

although some people used to think it was perfectly fine to listen in on other people's conversations.....

[crestofwaves]

Problem--Ah. Heloise and Abelard.  I am very familiar with their story.

My story is more like James Carville--Mary Matalin.  Except I the supposed "lib" and he the right wing fringe nut.  Fun!  He taught me how to hold my own in a political debate. I had to learn or be eaten alive. 

[frenchy]

yeah i always hate it when a girl i'm debatin with eats me alive .. 

[crestofwaves]

I'll bet you love it!

[crestofwaves]

Miracles do happen.  He is having a rough time of it. Was in the hospital for five weeks.  Melanomas, bone cancer--all bad stuff, but he's still here.  I never thought I'd hear from him again.  What suffering.  I feel spoiled that I'm still healthy!