Aggie, Longhorns and everything Texas

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Comment by Aggie on January 25, 2011 at 7:57pm

Comment by Bob Stepp on January 25, 2011 at 7:43am

They met on a bridge at midnight.

They will never meet again.

One was a west bound heifer,

The other an east bound train.

Comment by Aggie on January 24, 2011 at 8:33pm

Comment by Aggie on January 21, 2011 at 5:31pm

Good one, Bob!

Comment by Bob Stepp on January 20, 2011 at 11:35am

High abd Dry

When a cowboy heard a stranger comment that a certain river was so dry that he crossed it without getting the tops of his shoes wet, the cowboy sniffed and said,"I onc't rode a steamboat down the Brazos when we couldn't see the banks for the clouds of dust raised by the paddle wheel."

Comment by Aggie on January 19, 2011 at 8:34pm

"Gotta love those Texans".

I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.

Along with him was an illegal Hispanic drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4pm, both have drowned, and no authorities has responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.

Comment by Goldilocks46 on January 18, 2011 at 7:26pm

That's more than we had at the cabin this year.

Comment by Aggie on January 11, 2011 at 6:02pm

How about a picture of 8 point buck in back yard first day of deer season?

Comment by Aggie on January 10, 2011 at 12:06am

Comment by Aggie on January 9, 2011 at 11:53pm

When I bought my Blackberry I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."

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