Whether you support this guy:
Or this one:
Can we keep it fun?
"BLONDE WOMAN SHOT IN BACK OF HEAD"
Linda Brunette, 29, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, after that she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.
President Barack Obama
was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie,
down here at the Joes Crab Shack, HoustonTexas, I am callin' to tell ya’ll
that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin
Harold , my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters.
That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army
waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed.
"I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers.
Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie,
"I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is
still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's
ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie
that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex
is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie,
"we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to
realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."
Fox News dumped Sarah Palin.
I don't see anything wrong with her.
It was her kids? fault.
Laughing so hard....tears ran down my legs.....:-)
I'll get a towel....
Just hoping ya don't need a mop.