TBD on Ning

Why is it
That now, I had remembered my commitment oh so many years ago
I Remembered the prayers I pleaded with God
To help my husband, my lover, over come his addiction to alcohol
And the hope that someday he would love me just as much as I loved him
And desired a life of two people who could learn, live and love together
To have the picture perfect family life that I had always dreamed of....
With the man whom I had such a lust fest with and left a dead marriage because of......
It was just lust, not a lot of love, or so I thought ....he just didn't know how to show it....
Do I wanted to be his teacher...his lover.....
Was it just lust, was there much love......I don't know, I thought there was....on my end.....but....

after being apart for 10 years he came back into mylife
and now 2 years later we are together again after being apart for 6 months

he puts doubts into my mind after fights....that what I felt was love for him all those years ago....wasnt love but my desire to change him? as he puts it....

The tears well up in my eyes because now, once again I'm being tempted by someone who shows me so much of what I yearn....

My lust fest of 13 years was mostly good, some bad, but when it went bad it just didn't get better....and I couldn't understand why....it just kept getting worse.....so I left....

12 years ago
I was in school to become a travel agent- I dreamed of traveling and a life full of adventure.....
I was busy with school and didn't want to date anyone until I knew my marriage was over because I could and would not leave him for another man
I wanted to leave him because I felt he no longer truly wanted to be with me.

The day that I signed my divorce papers, I went back to work and was heavy with grief, but nothing more I could do.
I was free of his life, and turned away and rarely looked back, only because.....

That very day....a beautiful blue eyed man came into my life...
He had me at hello, he gave me hope that my life would be ok

But 6 weeks later

Tore my heart out and threw it along the road to knowhere
leaving it to bleed along the side of the road

As if leaving me at the Road kill cafe (Rubys Road Kill Cafe) thanks to Wyldeabandon

5 years ago I opened my own cafe
To raise my dead heart and give my soul something more in life
Than pain

But the pain came in other forms, working long hard hours
And many dollars lost

With the help of the Internet

Ruby has loved all the men who have loved her back
who then was then a red rose of summer
And now in the autumn of my life
Once again I have met new friends
And dated new men
Finding exactly what I want in my life
And my man.....

After all

I was 17 when I married my first man and was in love with love not so sure it was him....
marrying for all of the wrong reasons, what did I know about Love, men, let alone
taking care of a home with children under foot...

But my two children are the blessings from that marriage,
But, I was a lousy mom and ran off leaving and sharing kids with their dad, tried hard to make it work in two homes....

But needed some satisfaction in life....

Enter Ex man # 2, and sex..... Yummy.......yummy yummy sex....

And fast forward to today
He has moved back in because of his life style choices
and my stupidity or desire to rekindle, or what ever reason
we have tried and

We don't have it anymore :(

But just when I remembered that commitment to make it work 25 years ago when we first got married......

Now there is no lust full sexual excitement and desire

And hope to rebuild it is looking more and more impossible
just when I think its all done, he comes home with a piece of
hope to allow me to believe he too is working on US....

Along comes another gorgeous man
God knows I'm a sucker for gorgeous men :(
what a sense of humor!!

Which way do I go
Does lust and love renew after so much pain?
Does committement from the first oath
Mean anything after the tie has been broken by man?

Tags: divorce, health, humor, love, lust, mental, relationship, spirituality

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