OUR TREE

[Mark Joel Lane]

    My wife and I are getting visitors from all over the world to see the tree in our backyard. It's a giant redwood that we planted decades ago.  While this tree thrives in the moist humid climate of the Northern California coast, this redwood is blossoming in our backyard here in Queens, New York. !!

 

     The tree has been pampered with TLC ever since it was a sapling with cool crisp Poland Spring Water and plenty of nutrients I've bought at Home Depot and even worms to aerate the soil. Our little baby is still growing according to some world leading botanists who have examined it. It is now almost 350 feet tall with branches over 150 feet.

 

     We've had problems with our neighbors on both sides of our home complaining the branches produce too much shade plus they get bombarded with acorns on their properties.  Also we've had to remove our entire patio as the tree trunk has widened every year and is now almost 40 feet wide. Our giant redwood is the home of several dozen nests of various species of birds. Ants, bees, and a plethora of insects, arachnids,  and  arthropods  also call our tree home plus squirrels, an owl, and a pussycat. We also have the only family of bald eagles living in Queens nesting several hundred feet up in our tree.

 

     Our home has been visited by countless celebrities over the past few years. They include Martha Meade, Johnny Weismuller, Jim Fowler, Paul Hogan, Steve Irwin, Macaulay Culkin, Errol Flynn, Bomba The Jungle Boy, and Mougli Wolf. 

     My wife and I started charging admission to see our prized tree up close and the money will help send our daughter to the Forestry College in Syracuse, New York.  I'd have to say we are  doing quite well financially now with our skyrocketing sales of the giant hybrid acorns that can be purchased in supermarkets around the nation.  We even received a lucrative offer from Rockefeller Center to use our giant redwood for the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony this year. Let them schlep it from Connecticut again. Our cash cow is staying in our backyard. My only fear is that lightning doesn't strike our tree. But we are well insured....from the Ben Franklin Company.

 

 

[darroll]

Where is the picture?

[Mark Joel Lane]

Picture? Our tree is so big any camera angle just doesn't encompass it all. 

[CaliforniaNow]

Ah, for such a camera that could capture pictures of one's imagination!  But, of course, we'd have to keep those pictures hidden way, way back in some giant closet for fear the regular people would come snooping and try to take them away or, worse yet, photo shop them to make them conform to their ideas of what's acceptable.