Loss of a child

[Captain Hook]

Not sure what my purpose is in starting this discussion. Just know that something as been nagging at me to to put pen to paper. Maybe there are other people out there in TBD land who have gone through the same ordeal, I would hope not but maybe we could make some kind of a connection. Kindred spirits in a sense. Had two losses in my family this year. In April my youngest brother's oldest daughter died. I received that call at five in the morning. The family all went down for the viewing and funeral. My youngest brother and his family live about four hours from here. My wife, our other brother, his wife, our mother and myself went down. We offered what support that we could. I told him that I had no idea what he was going through but that we were there for him.

Then in August while I was at work my daughter called, she was sobbing. She told me that my son was dead. As we found out a few days later it was from a drug overdose. He had moved with his family to Iowa almost four years before and had not been home since. Legal problems here kept him away. I had spoken to him once in all that time. Not because I didn't want to, he made himself unavailable. I didn't like what he was doing but I still loved him because he was my son. He made some really bad decisions. His body was brought back for services and viewing. My youngest brother and his wife came up a couple of days before the funeral to be with us. They knew that we were going through. On the night of the viewing my brothers were there as well as my mother her husband and my step son and step daughter who I might mention drove five hours to be up here then drove back that same evening as they both had to work. That meant so very much to me. My step children stayed for a couple of hours. My other brother and his wife however stayed for just barely an hour then went home. They only live an hour away from the funeral really had no plans for the next day as neither of them work. I guess that has and does really bother me that I lost a son and all they could give me was an hour out of their lives. Still feel very bitter about it. I know some of you are going to ask if I talked to my brother about his leaving so quickly. Have to say I haven't as I am not very good about talking about such things.

To those of you who read this thank you for allowing to me to tell my story.

[Janice71dg]

More pleasant things are what we all look forward to Thom . Life , as difficult as it is at times , does go on . Having good friends to share with always helps . What goes around , comes around . Karma .

[Captain Hook]

I agree with you Janice, having good friends has gotten me through some serious times. It is also very nice to have a good friend to share the good times. Oh yes, what goes around comes around, sometimes it just seems take a very long time. :-)

Today goes under the heading pleasant times. This being a day off I have been outside enjoying the cool Autumn air. I guess I should say crispy, as there was a good frost this morning. Plenty of firewood to cut for the wood burner.

[Captain Hook]

Good morning Felicia:

The best laid plans etc etc. Anyway I am finally getting back to you. I know about worrying about grand children. The grandsons seem to be following down their father's footsteps which really frightens me. All I can do is be there for support. I understand about being mindful about placing judgement of other's during a time of sorrow. I really do try to respect that but in the case of my brother it was just plain selfishness because the situation didn't revolve around him. Sorry still a great deal of bitterness about that whole situation.

It has been too soon to tell you how a parent recovers from the loss of a child. Guess I still think that it really didn't happen and that one day he will call and tell me that he is coming home.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

Is there any possibility that we could have conversations on more pleasant subjects? I will let you decide.

[darroll]

Words can’t describe the loss.

[Pixiegirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss. you are brave for sharing!

[Captain Hook]

Pixiegirl, I don't know how brave I am in sharing my story just felt that it was something that I needed to do. What I did find was that there are a number of very kind people here and the sharing of their stories with me.

Thank you for the compliment.

[lynn]

Cap'n, i met you in the Invisibles, found your profile and this, your story.
i've had struggles, but not this one. gut wrenching, yet somehow we do go on living, and eventually we return to feeling.
looking forward to getting to know you better!