TBD on Ning

HE'S FULL OF IT

We have an unusual houseguest living with us. This little guy can eat us out of house and home with his voracious appetite. But without him, I wouldn't be in the lucrative business I own, selling something very special and hard to procure to several florists, nurseries, and other retail stores that sell garden supplies including Home Depot and Walmart.

Let me explain. I had an uncle who was an entomologist that passed away a few months ago right after an expedition to the Amazon Rain Forest in Brazil. It was shortly after his trip there he gave me a gift. I ,too, have always had an interest in insects like my uncle who had frames of insects in his home, especially beautiful butterflies from around the world. I have had my gift now for a few months and it has brought me wealth and financial security. I named my gift Tommy. You see, Tommy,our houseguest is a termite. !!!

Tommy is not your garden variety termite. He's one of the rarest of rare species of Amazon Termites (Termitoidae Gigantis), that can grow to be several inches long but Tommy is about a foot and a half in length. He lives in our basement now in a metal cage. You can order termites like Tommy at Amazon.com but they rarely exceed a length of more than three inches. Tommy is classified as a super giant . Tommy's life span can range from 15-25 years and according to my uncle, he's only about 3. Tommy's insatiable desire for food is to put simply, ravenous. He'll eat any kind of paper or wood. He loves to eat phone books. In fact he ate our Queens business Yellow Pages in less than a week.

Now you must wonder what happens to all those phone books and saw dust and wood carvings and paper products,etc. that Tommy loves to eat after he digests them. YES. I'm talking about termite poop. The actual term is called "frass", termite pellet droppings. Normally they are very very small, some soft and some dry. In Tommy's case, they are humongous and always dry because of his well balanced nutrients I feed him.

Anyway, frass is used to prevent mildew and fungus on plants. Who knew? You could look it up if you don't believe me. Tommy is the reason , my excrement manufacturing business does so well. The demand for premium frass pays its suppliers like myself, quite handsomely, as there is always a shortage of frass. It's just basic economics. In fact, I just rushed an overnight shipment order of Tommy's feces to a Lowes Department store .

I make sure Tommy has a varied diet of out of circulation library books, newspapers, construction paper, shoe boxes, and as a very special treat , I give Tommy a Yule log. With the excitement of Tommy's defecations, it always feels like Christmas around here.