crazy brother

[mother Sanity]

 I have a brother who is crazy cbc we are all being controlled by the department of justice and the catholic church in a huge porn ring he becomes quite angry when no 1 listens not wanting him to think that I hated him I recently told him that I thought he was just crazy he became very irritated and insulted I was just tired of his constant whining of doom did I do the right thing

[Slim]

Probably not, but I doubt there is a 'right' thing in a case like that.  You're probably in a lose/lose situation with him.  Try to keep the conversation topic on reality T.V. or the PGA.

[Baia]

Right on, Slim.  Keep it light. Keep it safe.

[mother Sanity]

Hi Slim. I wish I could. He is very hostile and I think its probably best to ignore him....

[Baia]

My crazy sister would not appreciate being told that she is.  Part of her craziness is that she thinks she should be able to tell everyone else what she thinks is the matter with them, but they are not allowed to say anything back.  No apologies have ever been enough to put whatever the matter really is to rest.

My other sister and I took my mom for counseling because she had become so afraid of my sister that she didn't want to have anything to do with her.  We thought she should at least be able to find some peace in their relationship at the end of her life, but my c.s. was determined that my mother needed to somehow make amends to her for having done such a poor job of parenting. What she means by this specifically we have never understood and apologies for not providing the kind of parenting she thinks she didn't get have not been sufficient.

The week before my mother died I tried to get my sister and niece to at least visit and say goodbye.  They sent me a snotty email saying that I was being bossy and that it just took some people longer than others to get over things.  They did stop by the nursing home briefly and that was that.  My sister almost accused my mother of dying just to get attention. Later that week my mother died in peace with the rest of the family sitting quietly by for her.  My sister was almost 60 at the time and since then her own daughter has left the state to get away from her.

The counsellor had told us that there was nothing that we could do to help our sister and that we had to be aware of our own boundaries because she had no sense of respect for other people's.  I only talk with her when I am feeling very calm and strong.  Obviously, I don't talk with her much at all.  She wants people to think that she is disabled because of a physical condition, but she is really unemployable because of her mental state.  Telling her that she is crazy will not change her. She is not a public menace, but I have tried to put myself in her shoes and I felt crazy myself when I did that.  If she sees a mental health professional she has never let on, but the only way we can survive being around her is by getting help with our own mental health.

That is what I advise for you.

[mother Sanity]

excellent advice. Thank you.