Are we still in High School? (or is it Junior High School?)

[oldmike]

I had two things happen on the "dating" front recently - neither one is really all that earth-shattering, but I thought I'd mention them here to see what kind of reaction I'd get.

First, I have been a bit attracted to a particular woman for some time now. We're friends and have (in my mind at least) a mutual attraction that could grow into something more -- or so I thought. Just as I was getting up the nerve to ask her out, she posted on Facebook that she found her "soul mate!" OMG and it wasn't me! LOL She "couldn't be happier" and now she's posting photos of her new man with her grandkids saying that he is "passing the test" --- I'm so glad I didn't get involved with her! I had no idea she was like that! This poor guy!

The second one is a bit more puzzling -- as an adult (which most of us have been for a very long time), I presume my friends are adults as well. The other day I received an email from a female friend of mine (yes, friend, not girl friend or anything even close to that, just plain, old friend) telling me to "have a nice life" because she's found a "new man!" WHAT?!!! A new man? Did she have an "old man?" What he me? LOL I had no idea that at this age we are so hung up on relationships that you can't have a friend of the opposite sex and date someone for fear that the one you're dating will get jealous!

Both of these things sound like something straight out of high school! I am always amazed, but should be used to this by now! I guess I got dumped twice in the last month!

[Grandma Helen]

Mike, that's funny.  I agree it does sound bit like high school.  FB I would like to think is for us to post photos or our grandchildren, tease my kids about stuff they say, or to keep up with the nieces and nephews who are pretty well grown up.  Those two emails sound immature.  I often wonder if a lot of people our age just don't know what's appropriate to do with email and social media.  I have male friends, some are married.  My oldest son is in a long term relationship and has female friends all over Facebook and his girlfriend couldn't care less.  Some guys are very jealous.  Maybe that's the source of your two break ups this month.  

[oldmike]

I'd have to agree wholeheartedly!

[mercerquietman]

Ohhhh, you said a mouthful when you said "I had no idea that at this age we are so hung up on relationships that you can't have a friend of the opposite sex and date someone for fear that the one you're dating will get jealous!" I too have a number of female friends, and yes, just friends. Someone I started to get into a relationship with clearly had an issue with me going to lunch, casino trips, etc. with them. At one point she wanted me to go through my cell phone directory and explain to her who all the female names were!!! I would be shocked if one of my female friends gave me the "new man" line; I'd probably laugh my butt off as I didn't know I was her man. In fact, some are married.

Funny to read this as I just met one of my friends for coffee recently who is in a relationship (been "engaged" for like 20 years {gag}) and she said her SO sometimes has a problem with her talking to other men. So, I guess it is not just a female thing. Another reason I am so glad to be single. I cannot put up with that at all at my age any more.

[oldmike]

Here's another example -- tell me this doesn't sound like high school!

A woman told a friend of mine (another woman) that she liked me (holy crap, tell ME, not someone else) and then the woman would beat around the bush with me -- "Do you ever walk on the beach?" or "What kind of restaurants do you like?" C'mon -- cut to the chase. "Hey Mike, would you like to go for a walk on the beach with me?" or "How 'bout going out to dinner some night?" Geez, what's with people! I didn't like her enough to go out with her, so all's well that ends well - she now has announced to the world that she has a live-in boyfriend and complains about him all the time! WOW!!!!

[carol machulski]

I don't think you can get dumped if you aren't definitely dating. I think that it is possible to have both male and female friends without it interfering with a relationship with another person. While I have had a friend who ignores me when she has a boyfriend, I have not severed a friendship because I have entered into a relationship. Rejection even from an oblique angle is still hard.

[Karin M Fichtner]

My ex insisted a man and a woman could not possibly be friends.....and he wouldn't allow me to talk to a guy unless he was around. 

I dated a man from around here a couple of years ago.  I told him right up front that I had a gentleman friend in Texas who called on Wednesday nights.  My "boyfriend" (GAWD, how I hate that term!) would call every evening before he went to bed.  Since he got up at 3:30 a.m., he went to bed around 9:00.  I told him Wednesdays were Dave nights.  If he didn't accept that, we had a problem.  He was fine with it, so we went out for about a year and a half.  Not once in that time did he discuss me on his FB page!  He did post a couple of pics of me he took while we were adventuring somewhere, but no comments on our relationship.  If he had, we'd have been through.  Relationships should be kept personal, just between the two involved.  To blab it all over the Net is, indeed, childish and immature. 

[oldmike]

I sure do agree with that!

[Grandma Helen]

Karin, I see you finally got home.  Hope it was  uneventful after your last comments last night.  I wouldn't want to be in a relationship and have it all over the social media.  A friend of mine puts photos of her grown sons all over Facebook.  One is a 2nd Lt and Naval Academy graduate and the other is in the air force.  It's kind of cute.  One just got engaged and his mother and his fiance both had photos, but they are in their early 20's.  I think that's sweet.  I wouldn't think it was sweet to have someone our age posting that stuff all over FB.  Some of the things the kids post on FB is mind boggling.  

[Leftygrl]

Definitely high school behavior! One of my pet sayings starts "at our age . . . ", but unfortunately there are many who have not matured. 

And frankly the FB comment?  Just gives me another reason to stay off of that site! I've heard about far too much drama among family members, couples, etc. that has started on that site.

You never know with people. After one date a guy wanted to move in with me!  Sheesh . . .

[Eaglewoman]

I don't post anything on FB just go there to see what the family is doing and my retiree group. I have friends(I am72 and they are my age ) who put every move they make there.Today their "boyfriend" is the most wonderful---------- a nd the next day he his the worst--------.Don't get it.

[oldmike]

I have a cousin who wanted to send me a message so she posted a long, somewhat personal message on my "wall" for everyone to see! She mentioned that her husband was cheating on her and that she's all upset and getting divorced. I'll bet she didn't think it was "public!"

I rarely post anything on FB, and wouldn't think of posting anything personal.

[Karin M Fichtner]

Yeah, I comment occasionally on someone else's post....or if I like something, I'll share it to my timeline so I can keep it....a recipe or something. I look at the pics my friends and family post. And I keep tabs on my granddaughters, as well as some political stuff. If I do actually post something....it's usually just a status report.....like when I was leaving to come back to VA....I thanked all the folks who had contributed to my wonderful Christmas visit. Stuff like that. Nothing any more personal.