Child Chatter

[ozzieowl]

Whether the kids are at school. or at home, at Granma's & Granpa's,

helping out with the shopping, being quiet in Church, 

at a friend's party or even playing sports  -

more often than not,

some of them are liable to drop a 'gem' or a 'clanger'

at the oddest moments, so please share in the laughs.

[Aggie]

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.
While he was waiting... a man came to him and asked, “Son, can you tell me what is the way to the Post Office?” The little boy replied,.. “Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said,.. “I’m the new pastor in town,.. I’d like for you to come to my church on Sunday,.. I will show you the way to the Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle. “Yeah, sure you will ….. You don’t even know the way to the Post Office!

[Aggie]

I was observing a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her trolley.
As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No."
The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Julie, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy.
When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry.
The mother said, "There, there, Julie , don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased.
The mother said serenely, "Julie , we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
I followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Julie ," I began.
The mother replied, "I'm Julie - my little girl's name is Tammy."

[Aggie]

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

[Aggie]

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

[Aggie]

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

[Aggie]

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

[Aggie]

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report . ' My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

[Aggie]

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

[Aggie]

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

[Aggie]

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

[Aggie]

What Is Couple Sex?
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is a couple sex?
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question then she's old enough to get a straight answer.
Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?'
The little girl replied, "Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs".

[Aggie]

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The religious programmes make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh
... I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?' The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.