What Are We Going To Do About Stanley Schmulewitz?

[Gary Freedman]

There's this old guy who lives in my apartment building. He's lived in the building for about 35 years. He's in his late seventies.

This is what gets me about the guy. He works out every day in the building's fitness center. In his street clothes. He uses the reclining stationary bicycle. I know this isn't the Christian thing to say, but neither I nor Stanley Schmulewitz is Christian. The guy is a total pain in the ass. He listens to the radio while he works out. He laughs, talks to himself, sings to himself, makes weird jerky movements -- the guy is a veritable freak show on ice. He's very distracting to me as I work out. The stationary bicycle is next to the elliptical machine that I use. I can see Schmulewitz in the wall mirror directly in front of us.

Why can't Stanley work out at a different time of the day. You're a pain in the ass, Stanley Schmulewitz.

This is my Stanley Schmulewitz impression: "Mu-ah, mu-ah. Hahahahaha. Yea. Yea. Oh, yea. Hahahahahaha. Hehehehehe. Mu-ah, mu-ah. That's right. Yea. Yea. Hahahahaha. Oh, yea." This goes on for an hour every morning. I can't stand it anymore.

[Gary Freedman]

Lobo,

Yes, I know all that's true. But I have a feeling that Stanley has always been the way he is. I've known him since 1991, and he was still Stanley Schulewitz back then. I'm not mocking the fact that Stanley is old. I'm mocking the fact that he's just plain Stanley from The Bronx.

[Lobo]

One day, in the not too far future you will wake up, look in the mirror and realize that you are Stanley. You'll go down to the gym and listen to other, younger people complain about you, wondering why you have to act so wierd and ruin their work out.
I just returned from visiting my MIL. She is loosing her memories and has a hard time talking because she gets her time frames wrong and can't always figure out which word she wants to say. I've known her for 27 years. She's always been a good cook and a bit feisty but seeing her this way hurts. Her husband is frustrated because he has to watch the woman he's loved for over fifty years change for the worse and he's powerless to do anything about it. Wifey-Poo is frustrated because she knows this could be the beginning of the end, that she could loose her mother.
It's so easy to laugh at and mock the elderly; it's easy to get frustrated and curse them when they get in the way but it is infinitely more better to be patient and understanding because they kept this country running back when you were still wearing diapers and, as I mentioned earlier, one day you will be them!
Have a great day.

[Geezer]

He sounds like Beavis and Butthead?

[Gary Freedman]

Since I wrote this, I started working out at a different time in the day. Problem solved!