New epidemic—Failure to grow up

[Vernon Windsor]

Bullies, vipers, haters, tattlers, whiners, passive-aggressives, and many more. Why is it that some adults find it close to impossible to grow up? Now I'm all about maintaining your inner child, holding on to your sense of wonder, and retaining (and enhancing) your ability to play. That's not what I'm referring to here.

I'm talking about people calling each other names because they are online and no one can reach over and give them a good dope slap. I'm talking about people who, faced with a dispute with another person, choose to "go to war" in public, rather than trying to either work things out privately or simply quitting the fight. I'm talking about people who are so insecure in their beliefs and values, that instead of making their case with facts, logic, or honest emotional response, choose instead to vilify their opposition with all the maturity of a two-year-old in need of a nap.

Somebody needs to do a study to find out what's going wrong here. Any masters or PhD candidates out there want to take this on? What's with these people? Can we figure out how to stop producing people like this? I'm tired of them.

[Vernon Windsor]

Very interesting.

[Slayer Dug]

The way I read this blog is that if you have an issue and nobody will help you with it, you should just shut up and go away?!!!? I'm not talking about the name callers I'm talking about the people who call out the name callers.

[caseyjo]

Go get em girlfriend. I wasn't there, but knowing a little about where you are coming from, I probably would have backed you up....I am now....Hugs...K

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

There are two ways you can approach life - as a victim or as a gallant fighter, and you must decide if you are going to act, or react. And if you do not decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you. A lot of people forget this, so they read books and blogs and what not that tell one how to make people respond as you'd have them do, or they look for someone to protect them from the world whilst lashing them for doing so, or they hide behind platitudes of "it's not my problem so why should I care" - and then go hide under the covers until it all goes away. The fact is that nothing works but to learn to trust yourself, and to understand that each encounter makes you stronger, even the ones you lose. To not fight at times for what is truly right, is to perpetrate injustice until it becomes the norm and all are inured to it - hence reducing us all to the state of victim by our collective agreement of complacency.

It can be very hardstanding up to those who would bully us into submission of complacency and silence, for facing up to injustice with logic and reasoning means facing up to all of life wholeheartedly by responding honestly, knowing that there are no guarantees, that many will disagree, and that even those to whom one looks to for help and guidance - will oftentimes abandon one. Courage expands with use. It isn't something you can put upon a shelf and keep in stock against a rainy day. If you don't use it, it atrophies with neglect.

[caseyjo]

After a few showdowns on TBD...I have decided to use a AA tool which helped me survive through a battle with alcoholism many years ago. Of course I forget to use this life tool , but...keeping your life principals before personalities on here is helpful. My life principal is treat others the way I would like to be treated. I seem to do pretty well staying out of trouble when I stick with it...Personalities make TBD what it is good & bad and I suppose if everything was rosy all the time I would hope for a little competition and even the silly name calling which can be funny and imaginative sometimes. Getting my blood boiling keeps me strong in a way. I know I cannot have my cake and eat it too..If the oven gets to hot,I get out of the kitchen...I now venture into the religious and political arenas with caution....

[Chez moi]

I'm with you 110% on this, Vernon, and all the others who commented. If I stayed away for so long this winter, it had a lot to do with the childish behavior splashed all across TBD in the fall.

I have been fortunate to have had mostly pleasant interactions with my acquaintances and friends on TBD 1 and 2. The few unpleasant ones have stuck in my mind, though, and I do make a conscious effort to stay out of the way of those responsible.

I also avoid situations where new drama may be taking place, especially whining and attention-seeking. I am here to have a good time and communicate with intelligent people who know how to act in public. Or if they don't, at least we have fun. I have no axes to grind, and I know that my beliefs are just fine for me and that probably no one else wants them. The idea of selling someone else a new set of values against their will does not appeal. That is about as useful as pounding sand down a rathole (as my grandma used to say). I have my blood pressure to think about, thank you, and I prefer to avoid getting riled. But if I do, I shall try to respond with humor, or not at all.

Dallas, you have a point about so many who want instant gratification; no patience and the attention span of a flea. Around every corner there are tantrums waiting to be thrown, just because these people won't take the time to think about things before opening fire - or haven't learned how to think it through in the first place.

You know, of course, that they won't read this, or if they do they won't think it applies to them.

[Dallas]

Quinn and B A F are both right.

Quinn rightly observes that the Internet gives people the cover they need to act like tempermental fools. The Internet is full of them. I'm not always agreeable on-line, but I can usually stifle the urge to act like a two-beer badass.

I got way out of line on the old TBD when a member said she had been talking to a young woman who was a sexual assault victim, but no one had reported the crime to police yet. I took the tell-the-cops line, but I could have been a lot nicer about it.

I have been very abrasive with Nancy Morgan here on TBD, but I never cursed her or called her Nancy Moron, and I hope she never calls me Dallass, especially since the name would probably stick. So nobody say anything, OK ?

B A F has a great point about parents who shield their children from all adversity and failure, only to see them never develop any spine or judgment. When I got cut from Little League two years in a row, my father told me that a tall skinny kid who could not hit needed to lift weights, take up basketball and pay more attention in class each day. It stung, but I knew he was right.

I see a general increase in the acceptance of carrying on loudly in public about every single little annoyance that comes along: slow-moving checkout lines, rush hour traffic, you name it and people everywhere are carrying on about it all the time. People have become conditioned to whining. They think it shows how perceptive or worldly they are. I think that constant complaint without accompanying action - especially about such trivial things as checkout lines - just makes one look stupid.

Of course, you idiots probably don't understand anything I just wrote anyway. Why do I even bother?

[animak]

I missed the drama here (maybe a good thing) but I have been following Vernon's posts for a long time now, and have never known him to be less than courteous and respectful, even when dealing with people he obviously feels are seriously misguided and misinformed. If that level of discourse is not adhered to, it is a shame.

Chez moi commented somewhere today on people with a "poverty of vocabulary". Maybe that is a contributing factor--people may feel they must lash out with attacks because they don't have the words to creatively make their case.

[Dazzling Zoomer Gal Diana]

I took severe issue with incidents of bastardization of peoples monikers, and the utter lack of respect this denotes. Creating pejorative names is against TBD guidelines and constitutes name calling. The issue has now been dealt with and as such and in order to not exasperate the issue further, I have deleted my post concerning this matter here in Vernon's blog.

To ignore bad behaviour by allowing others to cow one into "giving up the fight" or taking it public (I.e. "going to war") when all manner of private discourse is either ignored or negated - is a form of censorship and intimidation too - albeit more subtle, as it suggests in blanket form that people are not intelligent enough to figure out when it is appropriate to stand up for what is right - and what is not.

I have yet to see Vernon not take on an issue close to his heart. Pejorative name calling is an issue close to my heart. My heartfelt thanks to the people from both sides of the political fence who stepped up to the plate to comment thoughtfully and constructively. I'm sure that I am not alone in being pleased to see that the issue has been dealt with appropriately by the moderators, with my permission to delete my "open letter" post in it's entirety in the Left Wing Politics group.

[Chameleon1218]

"I'm tired of them" You and me both! Well done Vernon, couldn't have said it better myself.