TBD

TBD on Ning

It doesn't matter what I do.but I am always....

Blowing it or messing up again!

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Comment by Missest139 on July 14, 2009 at 2:04pm
We can all be bulls in a china shop from time to time. You have to stop and ask yourself if you are treating people the way you want to be treated. If you look in the mirror and say not so much then change the behavior. There are no take backs. What is done is done. Make amends, do what you have to and move on. Just try to keep learning as you go!!
Comment by John Turberville on July 14, 2009 at 7:57am
One at a time! One at a time! That is, unless everyone knows the rules and is OK with them.
Comment by Greg Guise on July 14, 2009 at 7:53am
some guys are needy, some... not so much.
Comment by Hondo Murray on July 14, 2009 at 12:10am
PS: By the way...

Hey Lisa, it's me again. I just thought of another situation that might help for you to hear about.

I had just gotten out of a serious relationship that I'd been stuck in for a long time, and I had decided that I wanted to play it loose and play the feild. I told myself that I wasn't going to allow myself to get close to any of the women I was seeing. That worked fine for a while, but my conscience started to bother me; because I hadn't been upfront with one of them...a sweet redhead. So, I wrote her a letter and told her that I thought it would be better if we stopped sleeping together and just stayed friends. She said that was fine if that's the way I wanted it to be. So, we moved on and continued to be friends. Later...

I got involved with another women; who I ended up falling in love with (I tried to resist it; believe me...but it was out of my hands. lol). Anyway, I got to talking with that little redhead about how I was afraid of what I was starting to feel for this other woman, and how I had been determined to keep things loose and not get seriously involved; which is when I shared how that was the reason that I decided to step back away from her (the redhead); because I thought she was on the verge of becoming emotionally involved. To my surprise...She said that she would have been happy to have just kept sleeping together without there having to be any committment between us. You can imagine that I felt like an idiot for having wasted such an opportunity. lol All because I didn't take the time to talk to her and ask her how she felt about it first. I screwed myself on that one. lol

Although, in hindsight... I can't complain too much; because that other girl that I was starting to fall in love with...ended up becoming my wife and the mother of my children. :o)

I mea, who knows... Maybe the past 10 1/2 years would have been a lot different if I'd decided to continue to see that little redhead, and not necasarily for the better either. I might have lost a wonderful opportunity.

I think I did the right thing.

There's actually another story that's indirectly related to this one that you might find interesting, but I'm gonna wrap it up here; since I've already written so much.

Sorry to take up so much space here, but I hope you were able to take something from everything I've told you that might help to resolve this situation your in.

When in doubt...go with the truth.

It's not always the easiest way...but you'll feel a lot better about yourself afterward. And who knows...Perhaps those men will respect you even more for it too.

Let me know how it works out.

Hondo
Comment by Hondo Murray on July 13, 2009 at 11:44pm
It sounds like to me (at least from what you've said) that neither of these guys know about the each other, right? You haven't told either of them that you're dating other men have you Lisa? I'm guessing because you don't want to have to be put on the spot and be made to feel like you have to choose between them, right? I understand believe me...I've been there and done that before (although with women, not men. lol). I remember how I struggled with the issue. I kept asking myself...Is it fair to mislead these women into thinking that I'm only seeing her and telling the others the same story. It wasn't right. It's one thing to give them all the facts and ask them if they still want to stick around even though you're dating other men too, but it's another (in my personal opinion) to just keep leading them on; allowing them to think that he's the only man in your life. It's bound to blow up in your face. I remember once dating a girl who went by the name Krickette...She was really nice and we'd hit it off and had just finished having sex and I decided to stay the night. We both slept on the floor in the front room. The next thing I know...I woke up to the sound of some keys opening the front door. I turn my head just in time to see a man's shocked look seeing me and apparently his girlfriend or wife (which I did not know that she was involved with anyone else, but was smart enough to put 2 and 2 together; especially since he had a "key"). He said something; which I couldn't quite make out...and shut the door and left. I immediately woke Krickette up and told her someone had just stopped by. She was like..."Oh shit!" ...and quickly got up and ran out the door to try to catch him before he got in his car to leave. Anyway, the moral of this story is...

Two's company, but three's a crowd...unless they're okay with the arrangement.

I suggest you spill the beans to both of them, and then be prepared to accept your losses. Who knows Lisa... They both might be okay with the arrangement. In fact, it might even make them feel better about it; because a lot of men don't want to get too serious too soon. Whatever the case though... I wouldn't want to risk a "situation" happening between the two men. I was fortunate...It could have turned out much worse...The other guy could have lost his cool and decided that he wanted to beat the crap out of me, or worse...What if he'd had a gun? Most men...or people in general aren't able to calm down in the midst of a situation like that, in order to think things through. Most people react impulsively, and the outcome could end up being desasterous for you...and everyone else involved. One more thing to consider...

Do you have children? Is it fair to involve them and possibly put them at risk as well?

Don't get me wrong... I'm not without sympathy. I understand that there's no easy solution, and that you may end up losing both guys, but it's always better to be honest and straightforward with people...always.

I hope I've helped in some way.

Your friend
Hondo
Comment by LISA SWENNING on July 13, 2009 at 8:59pm
Hey from Oklahoma! How the hell did I end up here!
Comment by LISA SWENNING on July 13, 2009 at 8:42pm
If you really want to hear it. I just separated 10 months ago. I have been seeing a couple of guys all this time. No commitments, no exclusive agreements. 1 guy I have seen a bit more than the others. He is sweet as can be, great in the sack but he hates that I won't commit. I went out the other night and I mean I went all out. He was banging on my door at 7 am Sun morn. Thank God I was alone by then. I lied right in his face that I went out with the girls. I am going to hell aren't I?
Comment by LISA SWENNING on July 13, 2009 at 8:33pm
Oh yeay! Whoever did this. THANK YOU!

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