Infomercial

[Bmichael]

Hi Friends…Bmichael here!

Say, if you’re like me you’re probably pretty darned tired of all those social website misunderstandings and conflicts that occur all too frequently these days. They start small but escalate quickly into major conflicts and before you know it, they  go viral on YouTube and CNN.

Here’s an example:

Member A  posts the following discussion : Member B is a d**khead.

Member C texts Member B: A is doggin’ you on the site. Check it out, man.

Member B responds: Hey, A! WTF?

Member A : Whattyamean?

Member B : You called me a d**khead!

Member A : No I didn’t.

Member B: Yeah you did….I’m lookin’ at it!

Member A: No man, you’re takin’ it out of context.

Member B: Hey, I got yer context right here, pal…!

Member A: Seriously guy…I was just sayin’…

Member B: Seriously bite me, douche bag…

Member A : Who you callin’ a douche bag?

Member B: You…ya cretin!

Member A:  Huh? A what? Whazzat?

 

Sound familiar? Unfortunately this scene and thousands of others just like it occur daily on websites around the world.

Soon, other members take sides, battle lines are drawn, and the bitch talk rages for days threatening to dismantle the site.

What, you may ask, is a poor administrator to do to maintain the integrity of the site?

Well, folks, I’ve got good news! Read on!

As we all know, any website Admin worth their salt understands that deletion is not always the solution – in fact it can often make matters even worse.

 

“How come you deleted my thread?”

“It was offensive and clearly violated the terms of service.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Whore.”

“Anal seepage.”

“ I quit…and I’m taking 14,000 members with me.”

“Oy.”

 

Tsk.Tsk.

 Our hapless Admin could have avoided this entire unhappy situation simply by subscribing to the “ Bmichael Theory of Social Website Administration Responsibility Avoidance”.

After years of painstaking research and interviewing thousands of website admins, I have devised a devilishly simple yet effective way to keep your website immaculately conflict free.

Simply give all members admin rights with deletion privileges!

That way, if Member A offends Member B, Member B can easily delete the post as if it never happened. And then Member A can go back and delete everything Member B ever contributed to get even – creating a desired environment of fear and loathing – essential to all social networks!

Tired of morons who are unable to communicate effectively? How about internet bullies who live for causing strife – ON YOUR WEBSITE!

Well those days are now over – with my secret strategy “The Bmichael Theory of Social Website Administration Responsibility Avoidance!

The complete package is being offered today only - absolutely FREE. You pay only 119.99 for shipping and handling. (Offer not available in New Jersey).

And if you act now, I’ll also include my popular and effective “How To Trick Your Members Into Giving You Their Social Security Numbers” (It’s easier than you think!) and “Convincing Your Female Members to Pose Nude On Your Site”. (It really works!)

Still not convinced?

Take a look at what some of our satisfied customers have to say:

“This strategy was a life saver for my site. I used to spend countless hours monitoring and policing idiotic discussions by my members – but not anymore! Now when a post is deleted, nobody knows who did it! Thanks Bmichael!”

…Bootsie G., Happy Valley

 

“When dem done homies abrat da filments – ha ha ha – wit da premies. “

…JiffyPopsta, Kittytown

 

“While this strategy is not new, it is certainly effective for creating confusion and fact distortion. I heartily recommend it.”

…R Santorum, Lostville

So…! What are you waiting for? Call now to get your copy of “The Bmichael Theory of Social Website Administration Responsibility Avoidance!” plus 2 bonus gifts “How To Trick Your Members Into Giving You Their Social Security Numbers” and “Convincing Your Female Members to Pose Nude On Your Site”.

An operator is standing by (Honey, get the phone, will ya?)

 

[B A F - Hélène]

Man, I wish to file a complaint for false advertisement. I tried ordering the aforementioned product (by the way, how about a bonus for the ladies too, eh?) but the number was totally bogus. No honey answering at the other end of the line, no nothing! I say this BMichael guy is pure sweet talk. Clever dude, that one.

[Bmichael]

Thanks, B&T...!

[TeeBubbaDee]

Funny stuff Bmichael!!!!

[Baia]

I am grateful for Bmichael's wicked sense of humor and copywriting skill.