Have You Ever Been a Victim of Workplace Bullying?

[Gary Freedman]

Many activities of workplace bullies are conducted in a subtle and devious manner. People whose confidence and self-esteem have been exposed to subtle, devious harassment find it immensely difficult to confront the bullies. It can also be difficult for others to identify such behaviour. Men and women enduring less obvious bullying can feel confused, even paranoid, because of the unpredictability and irrationality of the behavior. They can use up emotional and mental resources trying to figure out what's going on and how to defend themselves.

Harassment or bullying often starts or intensifies during a period of change, such as a new manager or a new colleague who is strong and competent. It is related to the way a person has learned to influence or dominate people and to the values expressed by institutional practices. People who are high achievers, are successful, have higher qualifications, are more efficient, have superior social skills, have good looks, or are more creative are more likely to be the targets of bullies. The root of bullying behavior is often insecurity and personal envy of the targeted individual.

With a group of people, there may be a "ringleader" with others in the workplace condoning or engaging in similar behavior. They may do so to keep safe or to stay out of trouble with the leader. If you support the target, you may attract the same treatment.

Have you ever been a target of workplace bullying?

[Gary Freedman]

How do bullies select their targets?

The bully selects their target using the following criteria:

• bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors, and you will have a string of successors
• being good at your job, often excelling
• being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)
• more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence; your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear
• being the expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional (ie you get more attention than the bully)
• having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise
• having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)
• having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited
• being too old or too expensive (usually both)
• refusing to join an established clique
• showing independence of thought or deed
• refusing to become a corporate clone and drone
Jealousy (of relationships and perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of talents, abilities, circumstances or possessions) are strong motivators of bullying. The bully will envy the target’s thinking, his individuality, and his rationality.

Vulnerabilities can include:

• being overqualified
• being single and not having anyone to support you on a regular basis
• living alone and having no-one to turn to at the end of each day
• because you care - about your work, about your clients, about your work colleagues, about your company or organisation, about your family, and about people
• having integrity which you are unwilling to compromise or sacrifice
• being scrupulously honest
• being reasonable and with a strong sense of fair play
• having a well-developed sense of guilt
• having a great deal of locked-up anger resulting from bullying, harassment, domestic violence, stalking, abuse etc
• belonging to a minority group
• having a disability or perceived disability

[Gary Freedman]

Here's a very useful resource for people who want to learn the facts about workplace bullying.

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm

[Judi]

Almost every place I've worked at has had at least one serious bully. I think we often refer to it as "office politics". I try to stay in my own little force field, walk to the bathroom with my back against the wall (back stabbers are a frequency in this environment), and do my job. When it gets to where it interferes with my job, then I do as 1HappyMelody has suggested, "get the hell outta Dodge". Going to HR only makes things worse and makes the one going look like a wimp, loser or trouble-maker. HR personnel are usually pacifists and don't like confrontation, so they will often help your boss find ways of letting the tattle-tale find other employment opportunities . . . elsewhere.

[Gary Freedman]

I was a victim of subtle bullying by my coworkers at my last job. When I complained to management, they said I was paranoid and they fired me. I should have kept my mouth shut. You can't win with bullies.

[caseyjo]

Me and my girlfriend were targets of a bunch of christian girls at the place we worked at, one of them being a favorite of the boss. We had to take the "Your speaking the devil" comments which came up regularly because we were agnostic girls in a mostly christian work place. One day I asked them what God thought about gossips, being they were talking about my girlfriend when she was not there to defend herself. They finally started to back off when I started to defend my friend who usually got the worst of their abuse using the devil as a weapon against her. It is easy to jump on one person, but when these bullies see you have back up, they usually back down, esp. when they think about how God would have them behave.