THE WRONG TABLE

[Mark Joel Lane]

On a recent Saturday evening, my wife and I attended a bar-mitzvah reception at a Long Island restaurant/caterer. Our table seating card read Table NO.2 where we were seated with a bunch of strangers including curmudgeons,merry widows,and a pair of married folks who looked about our age,(60).

As there was no prime rib I hoped to order offered, I opted for the salmon filet over the chicken marsala . I'm trying to incorporate more fish in my diet,one of my few healthier habits.

Our salad was a plate of leaves: red, green, and maroon. I don't eat leaves. What am I? A Giraffe? Only the twigs and ladybug beetles were missing on my plate. Why not just serve me a single serving Bonzai tree so I could dig in?

As I guzzled down my 4th glass of red wine, (more health food), after joining hands doing the Hora and hokey pokeying,the music the DJ was playing for the rest of the evening was unrecognizable to me. My wife knew Lady Gaga and the Black Eyed Peas, Yes ,I had heard of them from music award shows. BUT...No Beatles, The Stones, The Who - even the Back Street Boys is old stuff now. The traditional Village People's "YMCA" was never played. The party had mostly children attending. I counted three adult tables,including ours.   Still, I felt some music for our generation would have been more appropriate.

There were, unfortunately, no grandparents of the bar-mitzvah boy alive today, and no great aunts or uncles either from what I observed. Where were the elderly folks? They couldn't all be deceased. Most people at my table looked older than me, though their kids were in elementary or middle schools. Our daughter, unable to attend this gala event, is a senior at an upstate New York university. Suddenly the frightening horrific reality hit me. There was an old folks table. I was sitting at it !!! What's going on here? I must be at the wrong table. I wasn't even offered chicken nuggets or spaghetti. I can't believe I enjoyed the salmon. Change my table, please !!