MARKY'S IS COMING

[Mark Joel Lane]

 

My lifelong dream may soon be reality. Move over Macy's.K-Mart. Wal- Mart,Sears, Target. MARKY's is coming. Yes- my desire...my infatuation to open an inconvenience store is in the works. I purchased some property right in my neighborhood between a  McDonald's and a Dunkin Donuts. This is where my "little shop of Harrods" is being built.
My store will sell every type of household item imaginable,anything you can think of from an abacus to a zoot suit. Marky's will specialize in odds and ends,bric-a-bracs, knick-knacks,utensils, curios,oongapotchkas,artifacts,and a plethora of easy to find items. I'm not going to tie up a lot of inventory with the limited space I have available on the selling floor. And I do mean literally on the floor. I'm not spending money on fancy shelves and fixtures. This will help keep my expenses down so the savings will go to my customers;assuming you don't mind the dirt or dust on what you purchase. There's no point in stocking too much of one item. If I'm out of something a customer wants or sees advertised . that's too bad. Yes- I will run sales but I don't anticipate stocking any items on sale. Rain checks? Fugedabout it. This is an inconvenience store after all. Oh-yes- parking is very limited with meters that don't work-but if you park there,if you don't get a summons, you'll probably get your car towed.
My store hours I haven't decided yet but I sleep late. Around noon seems to be a good hour to open. Closing time-no later than 5PM. If you can't shop here between those hours-that's not my problem. Need I remind you:this is an inconvenience store. . In fact closing time will be much earlier than 5PM during baseball,basketball, and hockey seasons. and during the US Tennis Open too.  We will be closed during football season. We will be closed on weekends, holidays-in the US and abroad, We will be closed on birthdays of all my friends and relatives. Of course,when I'm on vacation or sick, or just don't feel like working,Marky's will be closed..
I will have no other employees..just me. That will keep my overhead down. Speaking of overhead,since I'm closed evenings or whenever it gets dark,there will be no need for any lights on the ceiling or elsewhere. except for light bulbs that I might be selling. That should keep my expenses down. Also-no need for an accountant, although cousin Hymie said he'd handle the books. Well I got news for cousin Hymie- there aint no books !!!
Security? Glad you asked. I have an illegal colt 45 at all times on my person plus an attack pet python and a trained rabid wolverine that will rip out the jugular of anyone he even senses is hostile or thinks about foul play.
Marky's will also be closed during my lunch hour or mor. Between McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts,and a nearby Chinese restaurant, The Palace of Chai,a deli,a cornucopia of pizza  and chicken joints, and an Outback  steakhouse down the block, I plan on a lot of lengthy lunches.
I will put up some banners when I have my grand opening.Thanks in advance for your patronage.