How To Write

[Bmichael]

Our first lesson is about sentence/concept structure – creating interesting and vivid sentences to grab and keep your reader interested.

Here’s an example of three sentences. All are basically conveying the same message.

1. New Jersey is smelly.
2. Of all the states, New Jersey is the smelliest.
3. In the history of the United States, New Jersey has always smelled bad …and its governor likes donuts (a little too much).

Which sentence, in your opinion, expresses the message the most effectively?

If you chose number 2 or 3 – you’re incorrect and here’s why:

The first sentence is quick and to the point. It tells the reader exactly what he/she needs  to know about New Jersey.

The other two sentences are too long and laborious -   filled with ineffective commas, ellipses, and parentheses, all designed to blow smoke and disguise the real problem with New Jersey – you can’t order a fried egg –“sunny side up” in a restaurant.

I swear. Look it up.

The main thing to remember is never fill your stories with adjectives and/or adverbs – except when absolutely necessary. Nobody has time for that crap.

We’re busy.

Vacuuming With The Stars is on tonight. It’s the finals.

 

[Marilyn]

Sorry, Westerly -- I am so embroiled with financial advertising that I have no brain left for fiction. But you'll always have an audience in me!

[Westerly_2]

:^ }   I have a third (and last) part to my piece, but it's a little raunchy. Is that ok? It involves feet and the early Christians. "May be objectionable to sensitive groups."

[Bmichael]

Raunch away, my dear...!

[Marilyn]

Feet and the early Christians and raunch? Trifecta!

[Westerly_2]

(heh, heh)

…

“Excuse me, Carlos. You are proposing that I allow you to – have I got this right? – defile my feet? I don’t think so.”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. More like worship at, not on your feet. At.”

“And I am to allow this ungodly act, why?”

“I just love your feet. It is an homage thing, really, an homage to their beauty.

“One pays homage to one’s maker, Carlos, not to the clay feet He breathed life into. I will not hear of it. Unless….”

“Yes, yes, consider it a worship of the lord’s creation. “

“Unless, as I said, you pay a tithe to the glory of God. Five hundred dollars, Carlos, to worship at my feet of clay.”

“You serious, Shaar? Selling your feet like a common prostitute? You have received many times over that value in shoes, already.”

“Which were a gift to yourself, Carlos, face it. Second place, this act you propose, I don’t know what Jesus would say, but he may be soothed by the fact that most of this righteous tax would go directly into the collection plate and advance his good works on earth.”

“Go into your cash box, you mean.”

“What did you say, Carlos? Stop mumbling; it’s very unbecoming.”

“What I said was, Jesus wouldn’t have 2 words to say. He used to wash the feet of prostitutes with his hair. The early Christians were really heavy into foot-fondling. Lots of dust and they all wore sandals, I guess. May I offer to wash your feet and anoint them with oil?”

“Such blasphemy. What you can do, Carlos, is ask forgiveness for besmirching the good name of the lord. He was gathering up the fallen blossoms to be worthy of the kingdom of heaven.”

“Besmirching? Really? Fallen blossoms?”

“Carlos, Carlos, why are you bowing and clapping? Stop, this instant!”

(That's all, folks)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

           

[Marilyn]

Defiled feet -- I like it! Good stuff, Westerly! Strange ... but good!

[Bmichael]

Fifty shades of ...uh...er...um...Dr. Scholl!

Oh baby, Oh baby!

[Westerly_2]

:^  }  Thanks. So how did we like this exercise? It sharpens up dialogue skills, always good to practice. It gets awkward when you have to say something like, "Why are you bowing and clapping" to indicate the actions, which you can't mention any other way. Fun, though, interesting.

[Bmichael]

I like the concept and the challenge it presents.

 And I don’t think  it’s a gimmick… it’s more of an alternative from the mainstream…like techniques used in A Clockwork Orange or The Road. However, the story line must be provocative (I think) to catch, and keep the reader’s attention.

In your story, I had to create a scene in my mind, decide what kind of car they were arguing about, what the characters looked like, what room they were in, what the bar looked like. And yes, you could have given clues, such as “Sam, do you think I look better as a blonde or a redhead ?” “Or “Get up off your knees, for chrissakes, Carlos…you look ridiculous!” as necessary.

So, in a way, I’m writing the story with you.

[Marilyn]

All very interesting! Keep 'em coming, said the audience .....

[Westerly_2]

Curious thing about this exercise, I was oddly reading Salinger's "It's a great day for banana fish" - Long story, don't ask. I realized nearly the whole story was dialogue, some of it by phone - , with a bare minimum of exposition and description. Uncanny. And the words they spoke to each other spelled out the story, one sentence at a time. Course, the beginning and end couldn't have been carried by dialogue alone.

[Carol T]

Nicely done, Westerly!