This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!
I mean it...... :-)
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and ended up in family court. Mama and Papa Bear were splitting up, and Baby Bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to Baby Bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents.
When he asked Baby Bear about living with his father, Baby Bear said, "No, I can't live with Papa Bear. He beats me terribly."
"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"
"No way!" replied Baby Bear. "She beats me worse than Papa Bear does."
The judge was a bit confused by this and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there another relative you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.
"Yes," answered Baby Bear, "my aunt Bertha Bear, who lives in Chicago."
"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?"
asked the judge.
"Oh, definitely," said Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
Good to see you Jaylee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And yes, I got so excited i passed gas. :-)
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire." "When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up.I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.""Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing withno let up, and I finally got back to answer it.
“If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?” - Jerry Seinfeld