Are you lonesome?

[Jaylee53]

Or... Are you lonely?

Is there a fine line between the two...?
I'm trying to figure out why I don't like holidays.  I think I live my life vicariously through others sometimes...You know the drill...
It's such and such  time of year....gather with  all  your friends and relatives and have a wonderful time!!!
Quite frankly I have no "all " around me to speak of.
 My kids are estranged from each other..not from me though...I see them on a separate basis and I have no relatives here.
I do admit I like my "alone" time.  I'm good company for me...I keep myself amused.  I have never been too needy in a social way.
I also like company...to have someone to talk with...be quiet with...to share a meal..
This isn't a pity party....just a reflective moment...

[Jaylee53]

You have echoed so eloquently what I struggled to phrase.
As a rule I do not feel lonesome or lonely on a daily basis. I have my job...lots of chatter to listen or ignore....required interactions, which I don't mind. I can put my nose to the computer and one ear on NPR if I want.
My weekends are precious...I can do what I please when I please...I like that a lot.
Mostly I am bothered by the "forced togetherness police" when some holidays come around. My family life is fractured and my memories of the past creep up on me...there were some very happy times. There still are...it's just a twist of the kaleidoscope. I have to adjust my view.

[Bob Stepp]

Well said, Chez......and yes, at this moment I am lonesome.

[Baia]

I understand this. I feel this way too.
The people I spend my life with are all good people.
They love me and I love them.
I can be kind to strangers and helpful to neighbors.
I am socially conscious and politically progressive.
I love learning new things and enjoy meeting new people.
I dream of far away places and treasure my home.
I value my work and I enjoy my hobbies.
But the world of my everyday life is narrow.
The concerns of my daily life are shallow.
My energy is gone by the end of the day.
The dreams of my nightly sleep are too short and light
I need more time alone to be with my self.
And I am not lonely.
And sometimes I find a friend like Chez Moi who understands it all already.
I just say a few words and she completes my thought.
Today I am grateful for her.
I notice her absence.

[Chez moi]

As I have noticed yours. I'm glad you posted, Baia. I think more of us are contemplating - or not - this condition than will admit, or perhaps realize. I think it is the root of what keeps therapists, psychiatrists, gurus, religions and all, in business. Each of us deals with our condition in a different way; no one way is the right one for all, and we can't do it for anyone else. The lucky ones are those who can come to terms with life and live in some kind of equilibrium.

Sometimes I feel lucky. Sometimes I don't.

[Chez moi]

Now I have to laugh. It is just before noon here, and I am on TBD all alone.

These posts are all notes in bottles. I hope you will smile when you open mine.

[funesthememorious]

Almost 7 in the morning here. And I did smile.


I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I
open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call. One day I dropped the
box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. I had to get
it disconnected. So I got a new phone. I didn't have much money, so I
had to get an irregular. It doesn't have a five. I ran into a friend
of mine on the street the other day. He said why don't you give me a
call. I told him I can't call everybody I want to anymore, my phone
doesn't have a five. He asked how long had it been that way. I said I
didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens.
-- Steven Wright

[Chez moi]

Thank you for sharing that laugh! This is what I come here for.

[Aggie]

I am just a lonesome Aggie, surrounded by my ladies right now. All they need right now is extra range cubes and they are happy. Holidays are hard on me after the family leaves. Wendy the one with the whiteface looks lonely in this photo she justs wants to mow my yard.

[Chez moi]

Wendy is a standout (in her field!). You are lucky to be surrounded by such lovely ladies, Aggie.

[Aggie]

Yes, all I require is their first born every year.

[michael clubb]

How can you tell? To me it feels more like boredom, not lonliness. And when that happens to much or too often I just go out somewhere where I am bound to talk to people.

[Chez moi]

Getting up and going out is a good solution sometimes, Michael. But I can remember times when I have felt far more lonely or bored in a crowd of people than I ever do 'home alone'. A lot depends on how your time is spent, doesn't it? I think we need to listen to ourselves and do what we find interesting rather than what we 'should' do. Creative 'NO-saying' is very liberating. (My excuses to those who still have to go to work. Heh.)

Maybe that's why holiday gatherings can be so difficult - they may be more of a 'should-do' than a 'want-to-do' for some people.