TBD

TBD on Ning

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LOL

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

Four middle-aged guys (a clergyman, a medical doctor, a banker, & an attorney) who had known each other for years were playing golf together one Saturday. They had a frustrating time of it, though, because the foursome of young men playing in front of them were taking *forever*. The 4 young men all appeared to be in good health and didn't act under the influence of any intoxicant but were stumbling a little bit and taking *forever*! So when the middle-aged guys finally got done with their 18, they went to the clubhouse to complain. After hearing their complaint, the golf course manager said, "Oh, those 4 young guys playing ahead of you? Remember when we had that fire on the course last year, that started in the maintenance shed & almost spread to the clubhouse and the rest of the course? Well, those young guys were 4 of the firefighters who responded and put the fire out. And the fumes from the chemicals in the maintenance shed damaged those 4 guys' vision; they all have very little vision left. So to thank them for saving the clubhouse & the course, we let 'em play for free whenever they want."

A moment of shamed silence and then the clergyman says, "Oh, those poor, brave young men! I'll have my whole congregation pray for them!" And the doctor says, "And I'll see if I can find out about any new treatments that might restore at least some of their sight." And the banker says, "And I'll see if I can find out if there any grants that might help pay for such treatments." Another moment of silence and they all turn to the attorney who says, "What?! Whaddaya all looking at me for? I don't see what the big deal is. Why can't those guys just only play at night?!"

lol!

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