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The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!
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Started by Teddy. Last reply by Aggie on Saturday.
Anyone need a smile??!! Here’s a good story for you! Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
"Like, me sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?" I asked.
My "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and join something.
I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Mother, are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
I calmly replied, "Oh my, I think I'm in real trouble then, because I signed up for five jumps a week!!"
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be real fun.
Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, idly chatting and watching the front door of the brothel across the road. They see the local Baptist pastor appear, knock on the door and quickly go inside.
"Would you look at that!” exclaims the first Irishman. "Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites those Baptists are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the brothel door, knocks, and also disappears inside.
“Dere's another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and silly hats!"
They continue drinking while roundly condemning the pastor and the rabbi when they see their local Catholic priest knock on the brothel door.
"Ah, now dat’s sad," says the third Irishman, “One of the girls must have died."
How’s Your Day Going?
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man .. and then my dog bit me."
"So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in it and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole thing! But, well, enough about me, how are you doing?"
Are you saving yourself for a man with cattle guards?
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
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