TBD

TBD on Ning

Keep Laughing!

Information

Keep Laughing!

The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

Members: 188
Latest Activity: 10 hours ago

Discussion Forum

THE FUNERAL 7 Replies

Started by Teddy. Last reply by Aggie 10 hours ago.

Battle of the sexes 186 Replies

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie on Tuesday.

Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 76 Replies

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Feb 8.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Keep Laughing! to add comments!

Comment by wee soozy on July 16, 2009 at 11:30am
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; That's like saying you can extend the
life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO? Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a
Ride!'
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat,
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat,
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine,
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine,
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats,
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Comment by Billy Bones on July 16, 2009 at 8:28am
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, " Stop! Acts 2:38!"(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
Comment by Billy Bones on July 12, 2009 at 6:11pm
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, were vacationing in California . Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looks him over,"Nope." Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looks up and says, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow" Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope," she replies.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!" Margaret replies, "Should a bought a hat, Bert. Should a bought a hat."
Comment by Robert Knox on July 12, 2009 at 7:47am
a dad took his two boys out for lunch and the waitres comes over and asked jimmy what he would like for lunch... he thinks for a minet and says well i would like a god damm hamburger. his dad wacks him right out of his chair and the waitres with a stund look on her face turns to little johnny and asks him what he would like and johnny says sure as hell i'm not going to order a god damm hamburger
Comment by Ralph on July 12, 2009 at 7:41am
Glad to be a part of this group as they say "Laughter is the Best Medicine"
Comment by Robert Knox on July 12, 2009 at 7:41am
well just jump on in ...feet first if you like
Comment by Jake Doga on July 11, 2009 at 2:02pm
Q: Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
A: Because someone told him to get a long little doggie!
Comment by Jermann on July 11, 2009 at 1:20pm
Over 35 babies reminded me that somewhere out there, there's a woman giving birth every minute, well, They better hurry up and catch that woman. The world is over populated now.
Comment by Jermann on July 11, 2009 at 1:13pm
HELP, HELP, HELP, I'm all screwed up since I got here, not that I wasn't before, but, I'd like to send this to my Granddaughter whose husband thinks he's the worlds greatest griller. so when I click share, I get a pop-up and I can put her e-mail address in, but how do I send it??? the pop-up won't move and if there is a send button on the bottom, I can't get to it, what do I do?? Thanks and I guess there are no more Kudo's anymore??? Sorry I had to put this here but, I can't find a help button either. I guess everybody that put this site together knows what their doing....
Comment by OCNaturalDoc on July 10, 2009 at 2:39pm
"Women should not have children after 35.
Seriously.... 35 children are enough."
 

Members (188)

 
 
 

Badge

Loading…

© 2019   Created by Aggie.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service