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Comment by Aggie on February 21, 2011 at 5:40pm

My Favorite Animal !
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...???

Comment by Aggie on January 26, 2011 at 6:09pm

Comment by metub4 on January 26, 2011 at 2:13pm

Ford and God - Rated PG

Henry Ford died and went to heaven. At the gates, an angel told
Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention-the
assembly line-changed the world. As a reward, you can hangout with
anyone you want to in Heaven."

Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself."
The be-feathered fellow at the Gates took Ford to the Throne Room and
introduced him to God. Ford then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the
inventor of Woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Ford, "you have some major design flaws in your
invention:

1. there's too much front end protrusion

2. it chatters at high speeds

3. maintenance is very costly

4. it constantly needs repainting and refinishing

5. it is out of commission 5 or 6 of every 28 days

6. the rear end wobbles too much, and

7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm," replied God, "hold on." God went to the Celestial
Supercomputer, typed in a few keystrokes, and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper.

"It may be that my invention is flawed," God replied to Henry
Ford, "but according to statistics, more men are riding my invention
than yours!"

Comment by TeeBubbaDee on January 26, 2011 at 12:15pm

What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?
-Someone who lost his/her veg-inity!

Comment by Aggie on January 25, 2011 at 9:36pm

Comment by Aggie on January 24, 2011 at 11:52pm

Selling A Car
A blonde tried to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal.
" "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde,
"if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette.
"Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.

Comment by Aggie on January 24, 2011 at 8:42pm

Comment by Aggie on January 19, 2011 at 8:33pm

"Gotta love those Texans".

I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.

Along with him was an illegal Hispanic drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4pm, both have drowned, and no authorities has responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.

Comment by Aggie on January 18, 2011 at 1:57am

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .

In the first year, "S" will replace the soft "c".

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c"
will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".

This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "O" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Comment by Aggie on January 18, 2011 at 1:50am

Supper
This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself."

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

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