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The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!
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Latest Activity: Apr 24
Discussion Forum
Child Chatter 51 Replies
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Apr 24.
Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 339 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 9.
Battle of the sexes 383 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 2.
Comment Wall
Comment
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Comment by Aggie on June 21, 2011 at 4:07am
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A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' And out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, 'Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.'
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Printer Problem
When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
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An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
Holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
Is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
To hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
And your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man
And replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"
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Awkward
Mary and Betty were friends that worked in the same office.
At lunch, Betty confided to her co-worker that she had an awful row with her husband the night before.
"What was it about?" asked Mary.
"He was going through a closet, looking for something, and found my birth control pills."
"Well what is the problem with that?"
"He had a vasectomy two years ago!"
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A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast,
The young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
"That laundry is not very clean", she said.
"She doesn't know how to wash correctly.
...Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,
The young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a
Nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.
I wonder who taught her this."
The husband said, "I got up early this morning and
Cleaned our windows."
And so it is with life. What we see when watching others
depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
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Comment by metub4 on June 19, 2011 at 6:55am
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OK who is the wise guy....
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Now we know why the artist put a smile on his face......
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Raffle Winner
A Texas Aggie won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home, his wife looks at him and says, "What are you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."
He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."
His brother, also an Aggie, came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks, where my brother?
She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother heads out behind the house, sees him sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field. He yells out to him, "What the hell are you doing?"
His brother replies, "I'm fishin, What the hell does it look like I'm a doing?"
His brother yells, "It's people like you that give us Aggies a bad name, makin everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.... It should be opened when she brings it.
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Time for a beer...
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Babe Ruth
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Lyndon B. Johnson
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Paul Horning
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
H. L.. Mencken
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
George Bernard Shaw
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!
W. C. Fields
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Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
Professor Irwin Corey
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group -Salvation in a can!
Leo Durocher
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One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
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