I wonder if someone can look past my average looks and find ME. Once a person gets to know me, they find out who I am and that I'm funny, witty, have a great personality....I'm just not HOT!. Things that happened in my past have created this low self esteem. I understand that and try to get past it, over it...buts its so damn hard at times. Being a victim of abuse is a bitch. We have to overcome so much and there are things we never overcome...maybe we think we have, but something innocent happens and WHAM....we hide behind our "mask" and wait for this "attitude" to leave.
Thats part of me and my story. Why I am a BBW..or should I say BPW Big Plain Woman (joking).
I have never turned down the friendship of anyone because of appearance. One or three of my friends throughout my life may even be considered 'butt ugly' (his description, not mine), but he was the most compassionate and nicest man I have ever known. When it comes to being an average person, be it appearance, intellect, opinion, or any other measurement you may choose to use-what is wrong with that? Average is good, average is normal; average is what everyone might try to be.
I am 6’6+” and that is not normal either. I have trouble getting around, finding cars I fit in, and getting under cabinets when I was still able to work as a plumber. But I could finish a basement without using a ladder; I had to work with what I have. When my wife decides she wants another car; she tells me which ones she is interested in and then I go try them on. I don’t fit in many new cars you see.
But back to your story, we all have the demons from our pasts that we must get over, and it is very tough to do sometimes. We revert to that little child and kind of run to our place of comfort. For me it was a walk in the hills back home.
You said that you are a BBW. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you are healthy; if not, then change, to make yourself healthier. I am not healthy because of complications from diabetes, heart disease, and ‘pre-cancerous conditions’ that required me to have major surgery. Anyway, this surgery has forced me to wear a diaper for the rest of my days. But I have many more days to live; and life is good! Sometimes I find myself thinking of healthier days, when I slept in the buff, when I could feel my low blood sugars so I could treat them myself, this is why I am on Social Security Disability. No one will hire a diabetic that may do something that could cause damage, destroy, or wound or kill someone.
Please, look up, feel good about yourself, and allow me to be your friend. I will am respectful, I am a man who will treat you with the dignity you and everyone deserve, and I know I will not see you as a pig, as a BPW (your words, not mine, jokingly). And who knows, there are times that we may be able to make one another giggle.
BPW,selfesteem corresponds to ur perspective.You need a partner whocan reorientate ur outlook and perspective by highlighting the best things you've and making ur weakness as insignificant,or maybe carrying their own pluses
Since I am attracted to a wide variety of sizes, its not really something that comes to mind. If you look good to me, you look good to me. What I have found more often is women who hold onto their weight as a way to keep men away. Be it that they have been emotionally scarred in one form or anther or scared to get into relationships for fear it may not last or go badly. It is still a lot about low self-esteem, maybe fear of commitment, fear of rejection (breaking up).
I suppose it may be the way some women feel. As for myself, if a woman is large; I don’t have a problem with it. I have been a bit of a ‘chubby chaser’ all of my adult life.
The reason for me is these women are more down to earth, realistic in their actions, their activities, and more pleasurable and happy. The happiest I have ever been was with my late wife. She was 5’6” and 260#. Yes, she was overweight, yes she was the best friend I have ever had, and I miss her, even after 13 years. I am attracted to the package that is much more inside of them. I hope this makes some sense.
Men are much more vain in their own choices of their woman. I suppose it is because we wish to show off who would be willing to crawl in bed with us. Ok, some men are animals and should be taken out and put out of a women’s misery.
I say this respectfully,
True for me, but in a different way. I think once I become thin, I become scared of the added attention from men. A silly thing, but I suppose it stems from lack of confidence and self esteem, something I must work on!
it's probably right, that i'm scared of looking attractive. still, one of the side benefits of being really big is that some guys will be friends but not lovers, and one just can't have too many good friends!
I would have to say that this has been part of it for me. I too am a survivor and those things have left scars.
The funny thing is, it creates another paranoia. "Is this guy with me because I'm big and he thinks I have a low-self esteem and so he can treat me any ol' way and get away with it?" It's a Catch-22.
So fairly recently I said to myself, "Self. Screw all that. Time to leave the boyz alone and deal with me. Be healthy--not for them but for me." I quit smoking. (3 months and counting...) I have begun eating healthy foods and staying away from junk, like cokes. And I'm not doing it to lose weight. If I do, great. If I don't, that's great and fine too. That's not the goal. The goal is to be healthy at whatever weight I am. So, I'll start doing yoga again when I can convince myself that getting up early is a good thing. I'm going to join the karate class at the local rec center with my son on Tuesday and Thursday nights. (Monday and Wednesdays I'm in class--I go to school full-time as well as have a full-time job). Friday, Saturday and Sundays are reserved for dates and the guy I'm currently dating is really easy* so I'm sure to get some extra moderate exercise. ::ahem::
So you ask how to combat low self-esteem. For me, the answer has been to stop looking outside myself for someone to care about me and to start caring about me myself. At first, I had to treat myself as if I were my own spouse or child. Then, it just became a habit to treat myself well. Then, it became easier to demand that others do the same but at the same time, once they saw me treating myself well, they began to do so automatically.
*He's my husband. We don't live together...it's complicated. Still, he's IS really easy and puts out. For me. :)