This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!
I mean it...... :-)
My Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow, because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we
moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas
family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they
wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it
works so well though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the
chain, We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time
for three days, and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy-Bob said it would
be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we had to cut them
off. ! You can find them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because
it took him two hours to get me and your Pa out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet,
so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. It's the dangdest thing, but
the baby looks just like your brother.
Uncle Bobby-Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull
him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he
burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Bubba was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
friends, Cletus and Buford, were in the back. They drowned because they
couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has
HA! I got a million of 'em...
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."
Should I continue or wait until I get back?