This is completely just for laughs.... Do NOT think of posting anything serious or thought provoking here...EVER!
I mean it...... :-)
a drunk is sitting
at a bar when a
woman stands behind
raises her arm
really high to get the
she has very hairy armpits.
the drunk sees this and yells at the
bartender, "get the ballerina a drink."
she gets her drink and goes away.
later she returns and raises
her arm again. the drunk sees her
and yells to the bartender,
"get the ballerina another drink."
she gets her drink and goes away again.
the bartender asks the drunk
how he knows that she is a ballerina
given that she is a stranger
and has never been in the bar before.
the drunk replies, "she's got to be a
ballerina if she can lift
her leg that high."
It's true!! I'd be dead by now if it wasn't. Hell, I just might live till I'm a 110.
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?" THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF -- STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY.
THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS. THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S BEHIND?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MA'AM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO."
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.
I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
Indeed I do.
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