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...The Ranch's answer to you -know - what - with no rules.
Go ahead...tell us what you're having for dinner - we can't wait! Got a cute pic of kitty peeking out of a paper bag? Post it! We live for that stuff!
Math addict? How about a refresher on the Pythagorean Theorem?
Like macaroni and cheese? Tell us why!
So even if you're not a writer or a poet (yet), there's still plenty of fun things to do at the Armadillo!
Oh baby, oh baby!
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Marilyn on
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That was great, Carol T! Thanks for the much-needed laugh! (At Bmichael's expense, no less.)
Cheers!
-M
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Permalink Reply by Carol T on
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These lyrics irritate me for a number of reasons.
A. Even in the days before Craigslist, no one put want ads on the evening news.
B. Ditto, for Extra! Extra!
C. "Experience in love preferred" -- isn't that what got her into this mess in the first place?
P.S. Back in the day when I heard this, I thought she was singing "perfume on his shoes" which made NO sense.
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Permalink Reply by Bmichael on
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OK…let’s see…
I am not mentally ill (subject to interpretation – especially by ex-spouse) and/or have never been convicted of a felony.
I can buy a gun.
But if I am mentally ill and/ or have been convicted of certain felonies,
I can’t buy a gun.
Shoot, wackos with guns scare everybody – even the NRA.
Even Chuck Norris, I bet.
What’s the problem?
Please write slowly – I have difficulties with simple concepts
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Permalink Reply by Westerly_2 on
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See, this here is the thing: I sell guns at the shows. The more guns I sell, the more money I make. Simple enough for ya? I don't care what a buyer dreams about, or what kinds of posters he has on his basement walls or what things they had to lock him up for, because...you kno\w...freedom.
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Now they're trotting out the old line, "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns."
You know what? I'm okay with that. I don't know any outlaws. I know lots of mentally ill people, and come in contact with lots more on a daily basis at work. If any of them decide they want to take me out, I want at least a fighting chance.
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What happened?
Lance Armstrong isn’t on the front page of CNN today!
I just don’t get it.
They devote so much coverage to a lying, cheating, doping, bicycle rider…and I (who works eight jobs and donates all of my earnings to charity, gives at least a gallon of blood per day, adopts 10 children per week from under-developed countries, and serves food to the homeless in Smoketown three times daily) can’t even get a nod.
I’ve had it!
I quit!
(somebody get these orphans outta here… and bring me a beer.)
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*CNN Breaking News*
Woof: Police in Happy Valley have surrounded a restaurant supply store where an attacker has apparently taken as many as 140 people (many of them orphans from under-developed countries) hostage with a spoon.
The attacker has been identified as Bmichael, an over employed rhythmic breathing instructor.
A store employee who managed to escape the carnage said that Bmichael was armed with an automatic Oneida silver plated bouillon spoon – pattern #AK 47 (Paul Revere – available in silverplate and stainless steel).
“It was horrible! He herded everyone to the cooking equipment section and began demonstrating classic cooking techniques – baking, broiling, sautéing, boiling, and braising - on the hostages!”
Woof: CNN spoke with world famous Chef Henri-Henri – an expert on spoons and how to use them correctly.
“Sacre bleu! Zis was never zee AK’s intended use. Zey are designed for banquets and large gatherings – you know, weddings, bar mitzvahs, and the like. Zis guy is an animal! We must call for legislation to prevent people like zis from getting zere hands on zees shpoons. We must do background checks, mental history checks, and most of all, blood counts.”
Woof: We are joined now by Hubie “Putt Putt” Croner who has lived next door to Bmichael for the past ten years.
Mr Croner…what can you tell us about Bmichael?
“Well, he was ok, I reckon. Wasn’t around very much, with all them jobs ‘an all. He wuz kinda strange, though…always givin’ away stuff and helpin’ folks out. It was weird. Hell, I ‘member one time, my transmission went out on the Pinto – ‘an that boy offered to fix it for free. That jist ain’t right. That’s when I knew sumthin’ was wrong.
Then ‘nother time , Dora Bundles, who lives across the street, took sick. Turns out she needed a kidney. Bmichael offered his – in fact, he took it out himself and brought it over in a jar!”
Woof: This Just In…
We’ve just been informed that Bmichael has granted safe passage to a CNN camera crew for a live interview inside the restaurant supply store. Our crew is currently outside – having been fitted with special spoon-proof vests for their protection and are waiting for instructions from Bmichael.
The front door is opening… a hand has appeared and is motioning the crew inside…
*CNN Breaking News*
Woof: We’re going to break away from Happy Valley at this time and take you to our CNN affiliate in New York where Lance Armstrong is holding a press conference. Armstrong is preparing to disclose some never before divulged information about incidents that occurred during his childhood…that he just remembered. According to Armstrong, this new information may shed some light on why he has been such a d*khead.
Take it away, New York!
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I would have thought that Bmichael would have cooked the kidney for Dora, since she was so sick.
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Har, har.
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