Tell Me Two Things

[Quinn]

Tell me two things in response to the request. Then post your own for the next person.

[Snagg]

Put a new roof on a house on a 110 degree day, and teach calculus to a Golden Retriever.

TM2T I, Snagg, can personally do to make the world a better place.

[Slim]

There is that face.  Could you get a tuck or something?

When my nephew wrote a letter to George Bush asking him why we were at war with Iraq.  He received a response thanking him for his interest in the country's well-being and telling him that he could help by picking up the trash in his neighborhood.  Who can argue with that?

Tell Me Two Things that make you yell, "Me first!!"

[Snagg]

My fiancee and my dogs LOVE that face, thank you very much.

Two things that make me yell "Me First" ? The "EXIT" gate at Disney World and the line to throw monkey water buffalo feces at Newt Gingrich.

TM2 horrifying ideas you have for an episode of Jerry Springer.

[funesthememorious]

A Larry The Cable Guy-Hulk Hogan-Oprah bisexual love triangle and Ronald McDonald's Whorehouse.

TM2T you would do if you had a time machine. ( No using the obvious one of traveling to the future and sending back a terminator to stalk Ann Coulter )

[Slim]

If I had a time machine I'd go get a manicure.  That way whenever I broke a nail, I could just just revert back to the time immediately following that manicure.

I would also take frequent trips back to the fifties to fill-up the gas tank of my car.

TM2T you've found stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

[Snagg]

1) Newt Gingrich's ego.

And, 2) I have three dogs. You do the math.

TM2T you've thought better of.

[Slim]

I did dump the anacondas out of my carry-on at the last minute.

I intended to flush them in the ladies room, but am now glad I just left them in the TSA receptacle.

TM2T that remind you of that night you spent in jail.

[funesthememorious]

Bobbie Vinton and tapioca pudding.

TM2T an evil cult will say in order to recruit new members.

[Snagg]

"Jesus Loves You" and "The IRS doesn't know about us".

TM2T that I can do to jazz up this chilli.

[Slim]

Put on a Mardi Gras mask and eat it out of the bell of a saxophone.

Tell me two things that don't taste better sittin' on a Ritz.

[Snagg]

Liver and Limburger.

TM2T you use to scratch that itch on your back that your fingers can't reach.

[Slim]

Torque wrench with an extension bar or an X26C Taser gun.

TM2T That you'd tell your mother, but never tell your father.