WORLD CLASS HOSPITAL OPENS IN NEW YORK

[Mark Joel Lane]

   The Family Island Medical Institute (FIMI), here on Long Island's East end at Montauk Point, NY, has amassed the latest state of the art advanced diagnostic techniques in medical history. New ways of treating and curing diseases once thought impossible are  now available at FIMI. The trained doctors are second to none in their skills, knowledge,and dedication to keep their patients healthy  and happy.

    

     FIMI is the only hospital in America to offer a Dog Scan. There's nothing canine about a DOG(Digital Oscillating Gyroscope)Scan which can pinpoint a particle smaller than a mini micron.  Among the other tools that are used here at FIMI are telescopes and binoculars. Doctors here use these devices to look out the window to view reruns of Grays Anatomy at competing hospitals.  

 

     Another world class instrument at FIMI is the periscope. The periscope is often used in the swimming pool where young male interns can get high definition views of nurses who work at FIMI swimming in the nude.  But what separates FIMI from any other medical establishment is their kookaburra kaleidoscope.  Indeed, the spectroscopic array of a cornucopia of patterns will enable surgeons to operate under fluoroscopic lighting conditions.

 

     One caveat about FIMI is that only cash paying customers are admitted . All others will be turned away. There are no exceptions. The reason for this is simple. The doctors who work here are all still paying back their loan sharks.    

[TeeBubbaDee]

I want a periscope.