today i learned that my best friend is dead.

[michael clubb]

I don't know what to do about myself. I fell in love with her family more than 25 years ago, the first time I've every felt love in my life, and though we haven't seen each other lately, we wrote constantly. In fact, there is a letter sitting on my desk ready to send out asking why she hasn't written in more than two weeks. Today, l got the funeral notice and a letter from her daughter. I don't know how to cry, so I am stuck. I tried lifting weights so the pain in my heart would go away. Didn't work. I haven't been had a drink in nearly 5 years. I'm drinking now. I live alone so there is no one here to hug. Any suggestions? 

[Bob Stepp]

I would say sharing your feelings here with your TBD friends would be of help.

My condolences to you. Hope you feel better soon.

[TeeBubbaDee]

I'm sorry to hear of you loss michael. 

[michael clubb]

Ya know, it just doesn't seem quite fair. I only had 3 friends and 2 have died in the last 6 months or so. I want to scream at someone but there is no one left to hear.

[Bob Stepp]

Scream anyway, Michael.....doesn't matter if anyone hears. Just get it out in some way that is not harmful to yourself or others. In the end there is only time that will hear you.

[Joella]

My deepest sympathy on the loss of your friend Michael. I hope you get along well and good, and better as time goes by.

[CWO3ROBBIE]

My sympathy goes out to you. Being alone is no fun at times like this. I wish you well.bb

[Baia]

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your friend, Michael.  I hope you are able to find a way to cry.

It really does help to wash away the tension of your grief.  You'll still have your grief, but it just won't feel so tight.

If you don't mind, I'd like to offer a couple of suggestions for taking care of yourself:

Write another letter to your friend.  Just spill it all out to her.  Everything she and her family have meant to you, memories that you share, how you are feeling about her now, etc. Then put it away for a while.

Rent some tear-jerker videos.  Old Yeller and Phar Lap are two that I can't resist.  War movies always make my cry, so I don't ever watch them in theaters.  El Cid was an embarrassment. I'll bet you can get some recommendations from our TBD friends.

Telling us about it here, is an excellent first step.  What everyone has said so far: I agree. 

[Faye Greener]

Sorry to hear of your loss michael.  I would suggest praying, but that may not be your thing.  It helps me in such circumstanses.

[Goldilocks46]

I'm very sorry to hear this, Michael.

[Snagg]

 All I can say is "I'm Sorry" for your loss, Michael. I've been through something similar, and there IS no all-purpose advice for dealing with it, other than knowing that you will pull through this when you are ready. Hang in there.

[D. D. Olson]

I am so sorry, Michael, about the loss of your friend.  It's hard to be the one left behind, and even harder when your grieving is stuck.  It's been a few days since your post - maybe you have felt a little relief from the pressure by now.  Baia had some very good suggestions. 

There are many ways to grieve - do whatever works or feels right.  I found that writing an obituary for my loved ones who have passed was helpful and healing.  Or perhaps some sort of small, private shrine for your friend. 

Please let us know how you are.  We care.

[michael clubb]

Actually, D.D., I wrote her another letter and saved it in my journal. One of the hardest things to give up is that we wrote to each other a lot. Sent photos (she was a photographer and artist in general).  I really like writing to her and getting letters in return. But yes, I do feel better already. Still think about her all day long but it isnt so debilitating.