To Bob Stepp

[caseyjo]

First off I am not apologizing for myself, being me, & having a non-positive reaction to a story. I am here to ask that you continue writing & dont let a person like me who has problems in this life to affect you in such a manner as to quit reaching out to all your friends. 

I know from persoanal experience not to get close to people because I will eventually run people off, so I stay quiet & non-engaging much of the time. It's not that I dont like you all & it's not that I dont want to be a part of you all, it's that I dont want to get close to have everyone turn on me for a contrary opinion which I have many...so..I have learned to stand alone. 

Bob, you have so many good things to say & you say so much in a beautiful way. I hope you continue to write for all your friends & know maybe a occasional person like myself who had a strong gut reaction to what you said may come along, but it's no reflection on you as a person..Its is a reflection of the person having difficulty with the writings of another....Time to go now....Have a good day...K

[caseyjo]

I guess i have really done it now..Not a single note from any of the ladies wishing me well on my second trip to the Drs to get more pics of my right breast. They found a solid mass this morning...It is either Cancer or not Cancer..I will know more after the biopsy. First i have to contact my odering physician to fax a order to the hosp. where I have my manograms done...They are going to do this via ultrasound so I can lay on my back or side...Thats how the Dr. guides his needle...or a person can have it done via mamogram, but you have to be able to lie on your stomach..I prefer laying on my back.

Anyway......I started to shed tears sitting in the waiting room waiting to go to ultra sound after the Dr. looked at the close-up Momogram results, not because I possibly have Cancer, but because I have really botched things up again.....I had such a bad reaction to the story, but I had no idea it was going to have this affect on people. I do understand now I should have said nothing, before saying something that could hurt anothers feelings...That I am sad about. Craig was right, but I was in a emotional state. I should have thought that through more throughly. 

Anyone can IM me that wants to understand more about where I am coming from, but as far as out in the open in front of the world to see..It's over..I dont want to make any wounds I might have caused deeper for anyone, but I do have my explanations for my reaction........For anyone I have possibly hurt I'm sorry...My punishment will be..I have hurt myself much more..It never fails....I'm done now..I feel i am digging a hole that is impossible to get out of so....Thats it......Maybe someone would like to take over Blast It for me.....I have a feeling I will be wondering alone again.....

[caseyjo]

[TeeBubbaDee]

Hi caseyjo, I just watched the video you posted. The one word that jumped out at me is WHOA! I know you are going through hell right now, (My wife and I were diagnosed 10 months apart, and she is just over 8 years and I'm over 7) I watched the video you posted, and the one word the stood out was, WHOA. You need to do that, just whoa for a minute, take a couple deep breaths and find your center. It's there, I know it is.

Peace to you and yours,

TBubD

[caseyjo]

Thanks T-bub......I'm a survivor too...Ovarian Cancer...2004 & skin cancer 2005......What were you two diagnosed with?... I dont feel dread or really scared yet, maybe because I am tired...I have been feeling so tired lately..no get up & go...just fatigue & seem to be losing my zest for life.....I see a world in trouble & know instinctively that love is the answer..always has been always will be..Love & tending towards others is what makes the world go round...Why is it getting so hard to love our fellow man & try to get along? Bring up the word love now days you are a whimp or a crazy hippie.  Maybe I am giving up.I am tired of being  tough ..without the love, the world is not a place i want to live in.....

 

[TeeBubbaDee]

caseyjo, Now is not the time to give up, and it never will be. My wife had a very agressive soft tissue sarcoma. She rarely shaves her legs in the winter, but for some reason she did in late Jan. Right above her ankle, the razor did a little "blip" She asked me to take a look, and it looked like a tiny insect bite, but without the "bite" mark. With in 6 weeks, it tripled in size. We first had a quack Dr take it out, but soon found a great pair of Dr's that cut everything out, She declined the chemo, and has been good to go every since. My cancer story is much more complicated, and will not go into it here. (If ya wanna know, PM me) Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say, is, Don't give up on yourself.

[caseyjo]

Wow T-Bub..I'm so glad your wife & you made it through the cancers.....I have always felt I have lived the years since 2004 on borrowed time..Its the exhaustion I have been feeling lately that just wears me down..I wont give up, I think that is just tired talk...I have never been a quitter...Why start now? Thanks for the pep talk & I will e-mail you about your experience...The more information I have on Cancer the better...Thanks so much....Jeez, I was supposed to e-mail other people & got a call from my brothers kid who just had a baby..........Seems good timing for bad news to turn into some good news....Have a nice week-end......K

[caseyjo]

Try reading the "knows nothing about love post...What I said is there. I felt really bad about it this morning, but now I dont feel so bad......If people want to clobber me, they will be clobbering their own imperfections....I have head it say that it is the imperfections we see in ourselves that we hate the most in others.....After learning how to gut search through the program of AA I realize more & more how imperfect I am & how much I am those very same people I dislike......I have the same character defects as they do, maybe varying degrees, but I have them...we all do.