What do the two have in common? Not a darn thing. Especially when the redneck (me) is trying to keep the armadillo from digging up her flower gardens. I swear, I've been nice. I've been patient. Give the critter his/her space. Its' one of God's creatures. But this critter is getting out of hand. This morning I went out to get the paper, took four steps and braked sharply. My sidewalk was cover with a mound of dirt and the flower bed to the left of the sidewalk had a big crater dug in it.
Not a good way to start the morning. Particularly when the critter in question has eluded capture for more than a year. It all started when Ross (remember the old Friend's episode where Ross couldn't find a Santa suit and dressed up like the Christmas armadillo?) - okay, anyway, Ross the armadillo dug a big burrow beneath one of my lovely flowering bushes bordering the pool and demolished part of the flower bed, pulling stuff into it (I guess to make it nice and soft). I was not a happy camper but I didn't want it hurt or killed. Just out of my yard.
So, I called animal control. They kindly offered to loan me a cage to trap it. Okay, so I pick up the cage and was told to put the cage in front of the burrow and build a corral so that Ross had no choice but to go into the cage when it emerged from its burrow. HELLO???? Armadillos dig! What kind of corral are we talking about? Dig to China and pour a concrete barrier? But hey, they said they were the experts. So I tried it.
Ross dug his/her way right beneath the corral, turned his snout up at the cage and went on his merry way. So I turned in the cage and stewed on it for a while. Nothing came to me.
Then I was sitting by the pool early one morning, before dawn - you know that time of the morning when the sky is just starting to lighten. Suddenly I see Ross. He's on the golf course, headed toward his burrow. Ah ha! A brilliant idea occurs to me. Armadillos aren't exactly flexible so all I have to do is grab it by the tail, carry it into the garage and put it into the big trash can. I mean, it's not like grabbing a cat by the tail and having that sucker twist around and claw the crap out of you. And it works with turtles (Yes, I've snagged a few of those big suckers off the road and lugged them to safety). And once I have Ross safely in the trash can, I load it into the car, drive Ross far, far away and release him. Brilliant, right?
So, off I go. Chasing the armadillo. Well, let me tell you. Armadillos are NOT slow. I chased that little sucker for ten minutes - all hunched over, making dives for that tail. Got close a couple of times but damn if he wasn't speedy. Ended up eating dirt, leaving skid marks from elbows and knees. On the last attempt I swear he laughed. Seriously, he made this grunting noise then rocketed into his burrow. I headed for the shower, dirty, wet and disgusted. Some redneck, I am. Can't even catch an armadillo.
But hey, I could always try again:) I did hear from a neighbor who happened to be up early that it was quite a show and he had a good laugh. Guess that goes to show that there's always a lighter side to everything, eh?
Hope you're having a great weekend!!!!