TBD on Ning
Keep Laughing!
Information
The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!
Members: 193
Latest Activity: 10 hours ago
Discussion Forum
Battle of the sexes 393 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie 10 hours ago.
Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 396 Replies
Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie yesterday.
Sharing The Joy Of All Animals 94 Replies
Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Sep 18.
Comment Wall
Comment
-
Comment by metub4 on August 12, 2011 at 2:36pm
-
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the
greatest political sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
-
Comment by Aggie on August 11, 2011 at 8:23pm
-
Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church, and Pastor Thibodeaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground that read:
Da End is Near
Turn Yo Sef 'Roun Now
Afore It Be Too Late!
As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, "You religious nuts!"
From the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big splash...
Boudreaux turns to Thib and asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should jussay.........Bridge Out?"
-
-
LOOKING FOR WORK
A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."
The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA (about 2 years ago) we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole country is looking for work !
-
-
The Coyote
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.
A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.
1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.
7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
8.. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: The nature of coyotes.
9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.
TEXAS :
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.
And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
-
-
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city."
"Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."
-
-
The New York City subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss - That's just my pay check in my pocket."
"Oh really!" she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half-hour."
-
-
-
-
-
-
A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem!! Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really? what have you been doing for it? the woman replied, snorting pepper.
-
-
A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, We have the Parthenon.
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, We have the Coliseum.
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"
The Italian, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
The Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says "We invented sex!
The Italian replies, That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.
© 2025 Created by Aggie.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Keep Laughing! to add comments!