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Comment by Aggie on January 24, 2012 at 8:56pm

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when
He found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot
Her instead of her lover, he replied,
"Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a
Different man every week?"

Comment by ozzieowl on January 20, 2012 at 5:58am

T'is great to see you again dear metub4,

and I hope all is `kool' with you and your world.

Comment by ozzieowl on January 20, 2012 at 5:21am

So close to real life aye.....lol,

Comment by metub4 on January 20, 2012 at 4:47am

My wife says she holds me responsible for most of our martial problems. Just goes to show ya how much she knows - I'm never home.
*******************
I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me; my firm, trim body or my intellect. She said, "Your sense of humor dear."
*******************
Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening."

Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that."

"Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'"
**********************
I saw in the paper the other day that there's a serious shortage of men in Washington DC. I commented on this fact to my wife and told her I might just go there. I added that the article said that men could earn $50 a night easily as a gigolo. She smiled and said, "And exactly how do you intend to live on $150 a month ?"

Comment by metub4 on January 20, 2012 at 4:45am

An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model. He goes to his doctor for a checkup a couple of weeks before the wedding date.

The doctor looks him over and says, "Arnold, you seem completely healthy but I must tell you one thing."

"What's that, Doc?" asks the millionaire.

"At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take care it could be really deadly," the doctor replies.

Arnold thinks for a minute and then says, "Oh, what the hell - If she dies, she dies."

Comment by Aggie on January 19, 2012 at 10:07pm

I dialed a number and got the following recording:
'I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes.'

Comment by ozzieowl on January 19, 2012 at 9:04pm

Ha, ha, ha a a a - 'rooting up against a garden wall'......

thorns....ya gotta watch out for da thorns....lol!

Comment by Aggie on January 19, 2012 at 8:59pm

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show. The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says, "I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful
rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?" She agrees and a date is made.

The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face. He is stunned. "What was that for?" he asked.

She said, "I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopedia last night and it said 'Not well suited to bedding but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall.'"

Comment by ozzieowl on January 19, 2012 at 8:50pm

"Oh Aggie - they are so, soooooo funny  - good onya" !

Comment by Aggie on January 19, 2012 at 8:41pm

Fresh from her shower, the wife stood in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts were too small.

Instead of telling her it's not so, the way he usually did, he uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds"

Willing to try anything, the wife got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," her husband replied.

She stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he said, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

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