Keep Laughing!

Comment

Comment by Aggie on January 30, 2012 at 9:21pm

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny, so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty
in a while. I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and
I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!

Comment by Aggie on January 30, 2012 at 9:20pm

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a
female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too they were laughing so hard!

Comment by Aggie on January 30, 2012 at 9:19pm

Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told
her young students, "Use a word ten times, and it
shall be yours for life."

From the back of the room a male voice said, "Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy!"

Comment by Aggie on January 24, 2012 at 9:06pm

Feline Physics
Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping - All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Refrigerator Observation - If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction - Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking - A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection - Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Comment by Aggie on January 24, 2012 at 8:56pm

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when
He found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot
Her instead of her lover, he replied,
"Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a
Different man every week?"

Comment by ozzieowl on January 20, 2012 at 5:58am

T'is great to see you again dear metub4,

and I hope all is `kool' with you and your world.

Comment by ozzieowl on January 20, 2012 at 5:21am

So close to real life aye.....lol,

Comment by metub4 on January 20, 2012 at 4:47am

My wife says she holds me responsible for most of our martial problems. Just goes to show ya how much she knows - I'm never home.
*******************
I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me; my firm, trim body or my intellect. She said, "Your sense of humor dear."
*******************
Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening."

Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that."

"Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'"
**********************
I saw in the paper the other day that there's a serious shortage of men in Washington DC. I commented on this fact to my wife and told her I might just go there. I added that the article said that men could earn $50 a night easily as a gigolo. She smiled and said, "And exactly how do you intend to live on $150 a month ?"

Comment by metub4 on January 20, 2012 at 4:45am

An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model. He goes to his doctor for a checkup a couple of weeks before the wedding date.

The doctor looks him over and says, "Arnold, you seem completely healthy but I must tell you one thing."

"What's that, Doc?" asks the millionaire.

"At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take care it could be really deadly," the doctor replies.

Arnold thinks for a minute and then says, "Oh, what the hell - If she dies, she dies."

Comment by Aggie on January 19, 2012 at 10:07pm

I dialed a number and got the following recording:
'I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes.'

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