TBD on Ning

Keep Laughing!

Information

The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

Members: 193
Latest Activity: on Saturday

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie on Saturday.

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 22.

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Feb 14.

Comment

Comment by ozzieowl on March 30, 2012 at 3:49pm: Cahoots

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.

Please do your part!
Today is one of the many National Mental Health
Days throughout the year. You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done!
From one unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty good in mine!

The best vitamin for making friends...... B1.-----

Comment by Aggie on March 28, 2012 at 9:35pm: A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
The 6 year old asks,
"You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something
with "hell" and you say something with "ass".

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old
what he wants for breakfast, he replies,

"Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios".

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,
and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,
slapping his rear with every step. His mom shut him in his
room and shouts,
"You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks
with a stern voice,
"And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass
it won't be Cheerios!"

Comment by ozzieowl on March 28, 2012 at 6:56am: You prob seen this one b4, but here goes....

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ...
3. I take my wife everywhere,But she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right.. I just didn't know her
first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Comment by ozzieowl on March 28, 2012 at 6:55am: Thanks guys - I always know I'm in for a crack-up when I get here...LOL!

Comment by Aggie on March 27, 2012 at 10:23am: Eggs
One day there was a guy who was driving to a nearby town. He was in a hurry, so he took a back road to get there faster, when all of a sudden his car broke down. A nearby farmer saw him stranded so he invited him to stay the night. He said, "The only bed I have that you can sleep in is with my daughter, but if I catch you fooling around with her I'll shoot you". "To make sure that you don't I'm going to put some eggs between both of you and if they are broken in the morning then you are going to die".

So the guy agreed. In the middle of the night the girl wanted to get it on so they did. In the middle of the skirmish they broke all of the eggs. The guy didn't want to get shot so he cleaned up the mess and glued the egg shells back together.

In the morning the farmer came into his daughter's room and found that all of the eggs were still intact. The farmer was so happy that he invited the guy to have breakfast with him. So he gathered up all of the eggs and took them to the kitchen. He cracked the first one open and nothing was inside it. He cracked the second one and still nothing and so on.

When he found out that all of them had nothing in them he grabbed his shotgun and ran outside. He opened the chicken shed door and yelled out "ALLRIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU ROOSTERS HAS BEEN USING CONDOMS?!?"

Comment by Aggie on March 27, 2012 at 10:13am: Isaac falls asleep on a beach for several hours and gets sunburned. His legs are the worst and they are already starting to blister. In agony, Isaac goes to the local hospital and is immediately admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

Dr. Cohen tells the nurse, "This man needs continuous intravenous feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours."

The nurse is astonished by this and says, "Dr. Cohen, what good will Viagra do him?"

"It'll keep the sheets off his legs," replies Dr. Cohen.

Comment by metub4 on March 21, 2012 at 5:37am: One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"

And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"

Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to ground..."