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Sharing The Joy Of All Animals 91 Replies
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Blondes, Aggies, Pollocks, Morons, Little Patsy, Lena and Ole 370 Replies
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Comment Wall
Comment
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Comment by metub4 on July 7, 2012 at 6:36am
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SECOND OPINION
The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...'
He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit..'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suitit fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How
about some new underwear?'Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you!I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'
The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'New suit – $622
New shirt – $56
New underwear – $10
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
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Medical science has finally found the correct and most accurate way to measure blood pressure for men.
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Comment by ozzieowl on July 5, 2012 at 4:22am
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Very good and such a giggle, thanks Aggie!
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Comment by Aggie on July 4, 2012 at 11:12am
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Senior Motel Moment
Last week, she checked into a motel on her 65th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a silver dollar off his well-oiled bum.... She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know.
I'll give him a call."Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?
Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?"He said,
"That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
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Young Beverly and Gus....
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Beverly is 90 years old. She's played golf every day since her retirement 25 years ago. One day she arrives home looking sad.
"That's it," she tells her husband, Gus, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went."
Her husband makes her a cup of tea, and says, "Why don't you take me with you and give it one more try."
"That's no good" sighs Beverly , "you're a hundred and three. You can't help."
"I may be a hundred and three", says Gus, "but my eyesight is perfect."
So the next day Beverly heads off to the golf course with her Gus. She tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
She turns to Gus and says, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!" replied Gus, "I have perfect eyesight".
"Where did it go?" says Beverly .
"I don't remember."
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