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The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

Members: 193
Latest Activity: on Saturday

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie on Saturday.

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie Apr 22.

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Feb 14.

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Comment by metub4 on November 25, 2012 at 11:35am: Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Comment by Trish on November 25, 2012 at 10:17am: One Liners

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Comment by ozzieowl on November 21, 2012 at 6:03pm: Here's a little sumthin' I found.....

DESPERATE PARENTS

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man said. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way!!"

Comment by ozzieowl on November 21, 2012 at 5:59pm: Hi guys, sounds like the guys got hood-winked AGAIN - lol!

Comment by metub4 on November 21, 2012 at 5:25pm: I thought this sounded good! Here is a turkey recipe that also includes
the use of popcorn as a stuffing ingredient -- imagine that. When I found
this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not
sure how to tell when turkey is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give
this a try.

8 - 15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good)
1 cup un-popped popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT IS BEST)
Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt,
and pepper.

Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan making sure the
neck end is toward the front of the oven, not the back.

After about 4 hours listen for the popping sounds.

When the turkey's rear blows the oven door open and the bird flies across
the room,.... it's done.

Comment by Aggie on October 31, 2012 at 7:09pm: A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, ” My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: 1) You have to be single, and, 2) you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun, why are you crying?”

“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”

Comment by Aggie on October 24, 2012 at 8:27pm: Legs On a Train
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a beautiful young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me £1.00, I will show you my legs.”

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull £1 out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me £10.00, I’ll show you my thighs,”.

And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten pound note. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, “If you will give me £100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance. That’s the hospital where I had it done!”