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Comment by Falcon on December 14, 2012 at 11:00am

Comment by Falcon on December 13, 2012 at 10:56am

Boudreaux's 21-one-year-old, unmarried daughter tells her parents she
thinks she is expecting. Very worried, they go to the drugstore to buy
a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. 

Shouting, cursing, and crying, Boudreaux says, "Who 'dat pig what did you like 'dis? I want to know!  I gonna kill that varmit"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.  Half an hour later a
Ferrari stops in front of Boudreaux's house. A mature and distinguished
man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps
out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with
Boudreaux, the mother and the girl and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't
marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take responsibility.

"If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a
beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy
will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is
twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage,
what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, Boudreaux, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly
on the man's shoulder and tells him, "'Den you try agin

 

Comment by Trish on December 13, 2012 at 7:04am

Source: google.com via trish on Pinterest

Comment by metub4 on December 12, 2012 at 1:44pm

Comment by metub4 on December 12, 2012 at 1:43pm

Comment by GillinTurkey on December 12, 2012 at 11:54am

Senior Alphabet : A is for apple and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now The Alphabet:
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for farting and fluid retention, used to be for F_cking but that has long stopped
G is for gut droop, which I'd rather not mention.
H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..
W for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!

I've survived all the symptoms,
my body's deployed,
and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
HAVE A GREAT DAY !

Comment by Falcon on December 12, 2012 at 11:05am

Comment by Aggie on December 11, 2012 at 6:08pm

Monica Lewinsky will be 40 next year. Can you believe it?

It seems like only yesterday, she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, putting everything in her mouth...

They grow up so fast, don't they...

Comment by Aggie on December 11, 2012 at 6:06pm

Ollie was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars," she whispers.

He'd never been with a hooker before, but decides, what the hell, it's only twenty bucks.

So they hide in the bushes. They're going "at it" for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them -- it's a police officer.

"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife," Ollie answers indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop. "I didn't know."

"Well," says Ollie, "I didn't either, 'til you shined that light in her face!"

Comment by Aggie on December 11, 2012 at 5:13am

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