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The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

Members: 193
Latest Activity: 4 minutes ago

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie on Tuesday.

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie on Sunday.

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Sep 18.

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Comment by Aggie on January 17, 2013 at 5:18pm: Father calls home and his young daughter picks up….

Hello?
Hi honey.
This is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?
No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.

After a brief pause, daddy says,
But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Gabe.
Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with mommy,
right now..

Brief Pause.

Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
and knock on the bedroom door and shout to mommy
that daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.
Okay, daddy, Just a minute.

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
I did it, daddy.
And what happened, honey?

Well, mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser… and now she isn't moving at all!

Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Gabe?

He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool… but I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.

Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause

Then daddy says,

Swimming pool? ........ Is this 486-5731?

Comment by Aggie on January 7, 2013 at 4:05pm: "BLONDE WOMAN SHOT IN BACK OF HEAD"

Linda Brunette, 29, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, after that she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.

Comment by Aggie on January 7, 2013 at 10:25am: One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."
"Good morning pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 11:00?"

Comment by Aggie on January 5, 2013 at 2:42pm: Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."