Keep Laughing!

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Comment by Aggie on February 5, 2014 at 8:54pm

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day,
the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors,
she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators...

Comment by Aggie on February 5, 2014 at 5:47pm

Comment by Aggie on February 5, 2014 at 4:44pm

Comment by Aggie on February 4, 2014 at 4:40am

Comment by Aggie on January 28, 2014 at 5:41pm

Ian McMurphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. A Texan applied for the same job and both applicants had the same qualifications and were therefore asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to McMurphy and said.

Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Texan the job"

Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"

Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."

Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

Manager: "Simple, the Texan put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."

Comment by Aggie on January 28, 2014 at 7:04am

A police officer in Belton stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say"

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Comment by Aggie on January 28, 2014 at 5:04am

Comment by Aggie on January 27, 2014 at 8:04pm

Comment by Aggie on January 21, 2014 at 5:40pm

Comment by Aggie on January 17, 2014 at 12:07am

On Arriving at Heaven....

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted.

One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each
applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good
one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed
she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked
the shower and it was completely dry too.

I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I
went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging
to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his
fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by
some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human
strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the
balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.

At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack
and died. The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the
roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over
my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony
rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony
and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and
bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I
tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the
chest.

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. The clerk
apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the
fellow in here just before you."

"I don't know" replies the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding' in
this cedar chest..."

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