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The Place to crack up! Laughing is allowed 24/7!

Members: 193
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

Started by EddieDingo. Last reply by Aggie 8 hours ago.

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Sep 18.

Started by ozzieowl. Last reply by Aggie Sep 17.

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Comment by Aggie on March 12, 2015 at 10:32am: You have just received the Amish virus. Since we have no electricity or computers, you are on the honor system. Please forward this message to everyone in your address book and then delete all files on your hard drive.

Comment by Aggie on March 11, 2015 at 11:02am: I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Palestinian flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
I've never felt safer and I'm saving $49.95 a month.

Comment by Aggie on February 4, 2015 at 9:16pm: Presidents Day

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old granddaughter
and I asked her, What day is February 16, 2015?"

Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!"

She's smart, so I asked her, "What does Presidents Day mean?

I waited for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, etc.
She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps
out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another
year of Bull Crap."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

Comment by Aggie on February 4, 2015 at 6:38pm: The Cat in the House Story

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab
company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The
cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want
the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The
cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife
doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the
night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said,
as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to
poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take
off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket
to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass
downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.

Comment by Aggie on January 28, 2015 at 8:26pm: Reasons You Should Buy a New Car

Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.

Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.

You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14-year-old on a moped.

The 15-minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for three days.

When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"

Thieves repeatedly break in to your car just to steal the "Club."

While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was

hurt.

For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while

in the driveway.

You keep losing dates on left turns