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Comment by metub4 on May 31, 2017 at 8:42am

A woman who becomes frustrated after a bus driver calls her baby ugly. She angrily carries her baby to a seat and informs a nearby male passenger that the driver has insulted her. The man, encouraging the woman to go back and reprimand the driver, offers to hold her monkey for her.

Comment by Aggie on May 2, 2017 at 8:06pm

Only in Las Vegas !!!!!!!!! You will not believe what just happened.
I went into a Green Valley Grocery to get a couple things.
While walking up, I noticed these 2 cops watching this dude from across the street who was smoking while pumping gas.. I saw him next to the pump and said to myself, "This idiot has no common sense" But anyway, I went in and got my things.
As I was checking out, I heard someone screaming.. I looked outside and the idiot's arm was on fire!
He was swinging his arm and running around going crazy!
I went outside and the cops put him on the ground and they fire out with some coffee!! YES, SOME COFFEE!
Then they put handcuffs on him and threw him in the police car.
I was thinking "He knows he shouldn't have been smoking by the pump while pumping gas!" But being nosey, I walked up to the cops and asked them what they were arresting him for? The cop looked me dead in my eyes and said ... "He was WAVING A FIREARM!"

Comment by metub4 on April 22, 2017 at 6:24am

Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in awhile he went on one of the other Sundays.

On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was. Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said,

"Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm. When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said,"Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"

"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven dey passed the Hot Springs Motel. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.

"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena.

The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her blond curls on the pillow. "Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole. He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to smoke or drink to have a good time!"

Comment by metub4 on April 22, 2017 at 6:22am

The waitress went over to fill the customer’s coffee cup. ”Regular?” she asked. ”Yes,” he said, “because I stay on a diet of fruit.”

Comment by metub4 on April 22, 2017 at 6:21am

A little known fact.... The first testicular guard, the "Cup", was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Comment by metub4 on March 19, 2017 at 7:59am

Q: What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and mushy?

A: Bubblegum -- and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Comment by metub4 on March 19, 2017 at 7:58am

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

Comment by metub4 on February 9, 2017 at 6:54pm

You know that

LITTLE THING

inside your head that

keeps you from saying things

you shouldn't

____________________________

Yeah, I don't have

one of those

Comment by metub4 on February 9, 2017 at 6:50pm

When you're dead, you don't

know you're dead

It's the same way when

you're stupid

Comment by metub4 on February 9, 2017 at 6:49pm

Be careful when you follow the masses

Sometimes the 'm' is missing

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